Dancing while under the apocalypse #10

It's been a while since I last wrote. Days blend one into the other until I feel as though I'm experiencing Groundhog Day. This is not a complaint, the weather is gorgeous and I am safe at home. It's just surreal.

Yesterday we went to a different grocery shop looking for certain supplies we couldn't get at the local one. It's the farthest I've been from my house in well over a month. It felt dangerous and surreal. The mall where the grocery chain is located was empty and dark, with the exception of 4 or 5 shops it was shut down. We got in, got what we needed plus a few extras and got out. They had oat flour ( plenty) so I stocked up because I can digest oat flour baked goods and it doesn't feel like they are trying to kill me. Baking is my comfort act.

There was magic this week. A woman I've never met, total stranger to me saw some of the little paintings I've been posting on twitter and she asked to buy them. It was a big deal for me the person who never thinks she's worth much, always downplays the art and sells way below worth or even just gives it away because I do that ( And I like to give gifts) So someone offering to buy and pay me well for my work is kind of astonishing, it changed something in me. Gave me a sense of artist pride I'm not sure I ever owned before. Then more art sold and it, for that moment in time, felt really good. The brain weasels tried really hard to fuck this up for me and I had around 2 days of imposter syndrome but my friends took care of that pretty damned fast. ( thanks guys).

So I sold art. I'm pretty chuffed. Another friend posted a poem he loved on facebook but said he didn't know where he found it, when I read it I realised hey that's one of mine. I throw these things out in to the world when they come back in such a delightful way ( as in someone loved it, or it touched them etc...) I am always so surprised. But here's the thing as a single entity trawling along on this planet you never know how you touch or influence people, not really. You are like a pebble someone tossed in a still lake, the ripples go outward forever and you never know what they do along the way. We are many pebbles being tossed in uncertain lakes, we touch and interact with each other all the time, we are not alone and never without influence or being influenced. I think about this a lot and hope that when this is me what I leave behind in my wake is good. When I die I want to be remembered as kind.

So today I woke up from a terrible nightmare, the sun was shining, the lake is still, and I could make my husband happy by bringing him coffee in bed. The world outside is a shit show and it feels as though it is spiralling way out of control because, let's face it, it kinda is. We can't really do anything about this pandemic except follow the advice given to us. Right now that advice, at least in Germany, is to stay home, shun contact and try not to spread infection. How will it all end? I have no idea, this is a timeline I want to say I wasn't prepared for but apparently I was, I just didn't know it at the time I was doing all my usual things.

So I will continue to make art and share it, make masks and share those, bake stuff I can eat, enjoy the sunshine and the blossoming greenery and wake each day grateful that I woke up. I woke up next to the person I love and am grateful I get to spend my life with in a house we love in a country that is pretty grown up all things considered. We have our own troubles and there are a lot of things going on that are sad and stressful, but we keep those to ourselves. We are each other's care taker at the moment and that leaves me free to try and share good things on the outside.

Like art.


So here are my Lothcats from Star Wars Rebels, because I love cats anyway and these guys are cute. And Star Wars makes me happy.

be well and be excellent to each other.