tis the season...
Wishing you all a happy prosperous kind new year.
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Monday, 19 December 2011
green is not always good. ( C/P from my lj cuz I'm lazy)
When I was a kid I remember that I used to hate my baby sister. The number one reason was jealousy.I also remember that somewhere along the line I made a conscious decision to let that go. I remember that light bulb moment so clearly it's almost surreal. Jealousy is an utter waste of time.
When my friends have successes in their lives I celebrate with them. I'm super happy for them because it's their happiness I care about not the eternal question that seems joined at Jealousy's hip - why don't I get any good luck ( or a variation thereof). I came to understand that no matter how much I might wish for something the only person who could make it happen was me. Now granted there has been some majorly lucky breaks in my life as well but they ALL came about because I chose to do or say something at a specific time and place and that choice led me to the next wonderful step.
I have been lucky and I am well aware of this but I also make my own luck by being me and that includes making mistakes as well. I had a conversation with one of my best friends recently who is having some negative energy thrown her way at work by people who don't get it. She has had a few major successes in her life recently but I can tell you these are all due to a shit load of seriously hard work. I find it sad when people snitch and get snarky because really underneath they are green with envy over someone else's "good fortune".
I been on that end of the stick too. I can't count how many times I've heard "You don't know how lucky you are." when actually I DO know and I am grateful and I don't expect the world handed to me on a platter. I've lost friends, well people I thought were friends, over stupid stuff like this. I share my good fortune and I'd like to think that I'm a fairly generous person most of the time but i don't like being taken for a ride and I hate being used. I've learned the hard way along this road that sometimes you have to walk away from people who are like that and you have to walk away from people who can't be happy for you.
Being jealous of my sister wrecked havoc on our relationship for years. I always felt she got the sweet end of everything but that's not and never was the case. She was tossed into the deep end just like the rest of us and she made the best of it. Now, of course half way through my life I see that and I am incredibly grateful that I was smart enough to get my shit together and get over myself. We are, I hope, friends, and I admire her more than I tell her. She took risks when I didn't, she jumped off the deep end and learned how to fly long before I did and I learned from her that some times you have to take risks to get where you want to go.
Just like my friend who is taking risks and moving up the ladder of success in the field she loves. The people who mob her at work, who don't get it will be left behind when she goes forward. She's brilliant and talented and lovely. And like so many others now she has to deal with BS because someone can't see past their own nose.
I was asked by someone recently about being jealous over other people's works, ( pertaining to the medieval world) and I said of course it happens. I look at someone who is better than me and there is a pang there. I'd be lying if I said otherwise but in difference to way back when I was an idiot now I take that as a sign I still have a ways to go and things to learn and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who is better, kinder, prettier, stronger, slimmer, and whatever than I am. ALWAYS. This is the way of the world and some days it bites but it is easy to get over when you realise that other people's joys and successes and luck are just not your own. As soon as you figure this out life is grand. Start to count your own blessings. Are you healthy? Are you loved? this list is endless.
I try not to hurt people along the way and I do try to be mindful of other people's feelings and rights but at the same time I look after myself and part of that starts with letting go of jealousy. It's useless.
When my friends have successes in their lives I celebrate with them. I'm super happy for them because it's their happiness I care about not the eternal question that seems joined at Jealousy's hip - why don't I get any good luck ( or a variation thereof). I came to understand that no matter how much I might wish for something the only person who could make it happen was me. Now granted there has been some majorly lucky breaks in my life as well but they ALL came about because I chose to do or say something at a specific time and place and that choice led me to the next wonderful step.
I have been lucky and I am well aware of this but I also make my own luck by being me and that includes making mistakes as well. I had a conversation with one of my best friends recently who is having some negative energy thrown her way at work by people who don't get it. She has had a few major successes in her life recently but I can tell you these are all due to a shit load of seriously hard work. I find it sad when people snitch and get snarky because really underneath they are green with envy over someone else's "good fortune".
I been on that end of the stick too. I can't count how many times I've heard "You don't know how lucky you are." when actually I DO know and I am grateful and I don't expect the world handed to me on a platter. I've lost friends, well people I thought were friends, over stupid stuff like this. I share my good fortune and I'd like to think that I'm a fairly generous person most of the time but i don't like being taken for a ride and I hate being used. I've learned the hard way along this road that sometimes you have to walk away from people who are like that and you have to walk away from people who can't be happy for you.
Being jealous of my sister wrecked havoc on our relationship for years. I always felt she got the sweet end of everything but that's not and never was the case. She was tossed into the deep end just like the rest of us and she made the best of it. Now, of course half way through my life I see that and I am incredibly grateful that I was smart enough to get my shit together and get over myself. We are, I hope, friends, and I admire her more than I tell her. She took risks when I didn't, she jumped off the deep end and learned how to fly long before I did and I learned from her that some times you have to take risks to get where you want to go.
Just like my friend who is taking risks and moving up the ladder of success in the field she loves. The people who mob her at work, who don't get it will be left behind when she goes forward. She's brilliant and talented and lovely. And like so many others now she has to deal with BS because someone can't see past their own nose.
I was asked by someone recently about being jealous over other people's works, ( pertaining to the medieval world) and I said of course it happens. I look at someone who is better than me and there is a pang there. I'd be lying if I said otherwise but in difference to way back when I was an idiot now I take that as a sign I still have a ways to go and things to learn and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who is better, kinder, prettier, stronger, slimmer, and whatever than I am. ALWAYS. This is the way of the world and some days it bites but it is easy to get over when you realise that other people's joys and successes and luck are just not your own. As soon as you figure this out life is grand. Start to count your own blessings. Are you healthy? Are you loved? this list is endless.
I try not to hurt people along the way and I do try to be mindful of other people's feelings and rights but at the same time I look after myself and part of that starts with letting go of jealousy. It's useless.
Friday, 16 December 2011
Saying Goodbye
 |
| Merlyn and her Uncle Vahlek in his tatooine home. |
It was a long wonderful, up and down ride but finally last night the MMO called Star Wars Galaxies came to an end and I am unbelievably saddened by this.
I started played under duress. My husband who had already been 6 months in had badgered and cajoled and eventually created "Merlyn" to show me how much fun it was. I ended up getting into it because he played me all wrong. It was the beginning of an amazing journey into a sandbox world advertised at the greatest star wars adventure of all times...yours. and it was. I can't describe the first time I saw Vader in game, or when I explored the vast deserts of Tatooine for real and got caught in a sandstorm. These moments were magical.
The sandbox allowed for in game housing and items a person could decorate. There were shops of all kinds full of things to buy ranging from clothes to weapons to everything else that could be sold. You could chat with other players from all around the world and it was a community with cities, guilds and cantinas of fun.
I made real life friends. I used the game to help me write Daughter of the Empire, characters from the game crossed into the books and vice versa. It doesn't seem so coincidental that shortly after I finished the last book so the game also ends.
It was a virtual world with virtual characters and now it's all gone. Saved on a disk somewhere and switched off. And I am sad, deeply deeply sad.
I could say a whole lot more about this because there is a lot more to talk about , a great amount of vitriol to be showered on Lucas Arts and that POS SWTOR which they happily replaced my game with even though they said that would never happen. In the end what I took away from this is that Lucas Arts lie and nothing they do or say is to be trusted...ever. So SWG you were my first real mmo love and like all first loves you broke my heart. Not sure I will ever be able to feel this way again about another game and probably this is a good thing.
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Why I said no....
It is some how assumed that as an artist when someone says will you do X for me the answer will always be why yes of course. For me this is NOT the case.
I don't often take commissions. The reasons are varied and subjective but mostly it's because I have had REALLY bad experiences with doing so. I learned this at an early age. In highschool I was asked to do a portrait of someone's dog and I did it with the expectation I would get paid. When I had completed the drawing which was pretty good I asked her for money and was flatly told "no thanks I don't want this any more." I felt as though I had been slapped in the face. Now I had this drawing of a dog...yay me. I think my mum kept it for a while because she really liked it.
What I took away from this was that people are asshats. They want free work and treat you like crap when you ask to be paid for the work you did. I have since learned this is not always the case but I now divide my art world into two very distinct parts. The art I do and give away because I don't expect to be paid for it, don't need or want to be paid for it or its part of the SCA and payment is not ever an option. (2) The art I do on rare occasions where I DO expect money.
Number 2 doesn't happen often because I'm not a sale's person. I don't have a clue how to sell my own work anyway and it makes me very uncomfortable to do so. I just like to make stuff.
I turn down commissions a lot because I just *know* they will all end in tears. The list of I wants usually turns into but that's not what I wanted. It's a frustrating process because no matter how hard I try I cannot read people's minds and my vision and execution of an idea will always be different from theirs no matter what. The headache and hassle and loss of friendships that sometimes ensues the taking of a commission has made me just never want to deal with it so I don't. I say no, thank you for thinking of me but no.
If I make art that someone likes and wants to buy that is a vastly different kettle of fish. Sure I will happily sell you this pre-existing painting. And if someone asks me to do them a painting and are not specific about it that's also great. But it's when the list of must haves are greater than days in the year that I get nervous.The problem with such things is invariably the recipient is never truly happy. I endeavour to please and feel as though I have failed when that doesn't happen. So this is a set up to lose situation for me and I'd just rather not.
It's nothing personal. Me saying no doesn't mean I hate you and we are not friends or what ever. It is an valid answer to a question/ query/ request. I hope that people will accept it, respect it and move on to find someone who can fulfill their art desires.
It is important to understand that people have the right to refuse anything. It took me a long time but I learned to say no and it feels great.
I don't often take commissions. The reasons are varied and subjective but mostly it's because I have had REALLY bad experiences with doing so. I learned this at an early age. In highschool I was asked to do a portrait of someone's dog and I did it with the expectation I would get paid. When I had completed the drawing which was pretty good I asked her for money and was flatly told "no thanks I don't want this any more." I felt as though I had been slapped in the face. Now I had this drawing of a dog...yay me. I think my mum kept it for a while because she really liked it.
What I took away from this was that people are asshats. They want free work and treat you like crap when you ask to be paid for the work you did. I have since learned this is not always the case but I now divide my art world into two very distinct parts. The art I do and give away because I don't expect to be paid for it, don't need or want to be paid for it or its part of the SCA and payment is not ever an option. (2) The art I do on rare occasions where I DO expect money.
Number 2 doesn't happen often because I'm not a sale's person. I don't have a clue how to sell my own work anyway and it makes me very uncomfortable to do so. I just like to make stuff.
I turn down commissions a lot because I just *know* they will all end in tears. The list of I wants usually turns into but that's not what I wanted. It's a frustrating process because no matter how hard I try I cannot read people's minds and my vision and execution of an idea will always be different from theirs no matter what. The headache and hassle and loss of friendships that sometimes ensues the taking of a commission has made me just never want to deal with it so I don't. I say no, thank you for thinking of me but no.
If I make art that someone likes and wants to buy that is a vastly different kettle of fish. Sure I will happily sell you this pre-existing painting. And if someone asks me to do them a painting and are not specific about it that's also great. But it's when the list of must haves are greater than days in the year that I get nervous.The problem with such things is invariably the recipient is never truly happy. I endeavour to please and feel as though I have failed when that doesn't happen. So this is a set up to lose situation for me and I'd just rather not.
It's nothing personal. Me saying no doesn't mean I hate you and we are not friends or what ever. It is an valid answer to a question/ query/ request. I hope that people will accept it, respect it and move on to find someone who can fulfill their art desires.
It is important to understand that people have the right to refuse anything. It took me a long time but I learned to say no and it feels great.
Friday, 2 December 2011
what crooks the back and curls the fingers
I'm working on some scrolls. For those of you in the dark this is what scribes in the Society for Creative Anachronism do. We create medieval style works of art that act as certificates of merit for a variety of awards signifying some sort of good deed or work done, a passage of time and craft well learned or just being helpful. You get the picture.
While not historically accurate in their presentation we like shiny pretty stuff so we copy pages from things like 14th Century books of hours or burn out our eyes trying to emulate Celtic mysteries in the form of knots and stylized creatures.
I'm not entirely sure WHY we do this since it's all original art and we give it away for free. But we do.
I've been at this for a while now and my library shows this. My skills have definitely improved and sometimes I even like what i do. Mostly I like the process and the exacting nature of it all. It's tight art. you stay in the lines and stick to a script. It's about knowing and understanding the patterns used by many monks sitting in drafty halls cursing the dark and smiling at the antics of cats. ( sometimes even writing poetry about said cats)
We steal from the past to recreate the past only with a modern twist since we use electricity to see by when it's dark and more often than not our paints come from factories and our paper is not made from the skin of dead animals. ( although there are many who do try to go all the way when it comes to getting it right and being historically accurate)
I like the exacting nature of this art form. I love when I get it almost perfect ( because it's never 100% perfect ever) I love when the gilding shines the way it should and the paints blend just so and the white work or filigree is bang on. I'm in my comfort zone here. I haven't actually stepped out of it for a while because the next step is actually using medieval pigments and parchment and I'm not there yet but it's coming.
Of course I have come a long way since my first attempts so the journey has been fruitful.
While not historically accurate in their presentation we like shiny pretty stuff so we copy pages from things like 14th Century books of hours or burn out our eyes trying to emulate Celtic mysteries in the form of knots and stylized creatures.
I'm not entirely sure WHY we do this since it's all original art and we give it away for free. But we do.
I've been at this for a while now and my library shows this. My skills have definitely improved and sometimes I even like what i do. Mostly I like the process and the exacting nature of it all. It's tight art. you stay in the lines and stick to a script. It's about knowing and understanding the patterns used by many monks sitting in drafty halls cursing the dark and smiling at the antics of cats. ( sometimes even writing poetry about said cats)
We steal from the past to recreate the past only with a modern twist since we use electricity to see by when it's dark and more often than not our paints come from factories and our paper is not made from the skin of dead animals. ( although there are many who do try to go all the way when it comes to getting it right and being historically accurate)
I like the exacting nature of this art form. I love when I get it almost perfect ( because it's never 100% perfect ever) I love when the gilding shines the way it should and the paints blend just so and the white work or filigree is bang on. I'm in my comfort zone here. I haven't actually stepped out of it for a while because the next step is actually using medieval pigments and parchment and I'm not there yet but it's coming.
Of course I have come a long way since my first attempts so the journey has been fruitful.
Thursday, 1 December 2011
art in circles
On the whole I'm a pretty sporadic blogger. I want to do this every day, share my thoughts, be wild and open but the truth is I do too many other things which include writing other things.
Lately it's been painting, specifically water colours. Something I inherited from my dad who was pretty damned brilliant at it. I guess I learned a thing or two from all the nights I sat at his art bench watching him paint because some thing seem to come naturally although I can hear his voice explaining why he did certain things to me. My child's brain just was happy to be watching my dad my adult brain was and is grateful for the sponge effect of soaking up all that knowledge.
My latest binge is tiny water colour paintings to be stuck on card stock as cards. I hate crappy bought Christmas cards. I do not expect people to make their own so I get the need for store bought stuff but I find them trite and somewhat boring. I decided this year that instead of not sending cards at all as is my usual method of Christmas stupid season avoidance I would make cards. After all a little home made water colour painting is kind of nice right?
Mostly though I really just like sloshing water, paint and colour about to see what I get.
This is what I got.
kind cool.
Lately it's been painting, specifically water colours. Something I inherited from my dad who was pretty damned brilliant at it. I guess I learned a thing or two from all the nights I sat at his art bench watching him paint because some thing seem to come naturally although I can hear his voice explaining why he did certain things to me. My child's brain just was happy to be watching my dad my adult brain was and is grateful for the sponge effect of soaking up all that knowledge.
My latest binge is tiny water colour paintings to be stuck on card stock as cards. I hate crappy bought Christmas cards. I do not expect people to make their own so I get the need for store bought stuff but I find them trite and somewhat boring. I decided this year that instead of not sending cards at all as is my usual method of Christmas stupid season avoidance I would make cards. After all a little home made water colour painting is kind of nice right?
Mostly though I really just like sloshing water, paint and colour about to see what I get.
This is what I got.
kind cool.
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