tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13996255900885698942024-03-13T17:51:51.300+01:00RE-Cycled CrowsThe secret life of a crow girl artist living in the in-between.merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.comBlogger371125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-59914734618381016362023-11-14T17:53:00.001+01:002023-11-14T17:53:57.838+01:00testing<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-13644513586689508172020-08-31T08:59:00.004+02:002020-08-31T09:06:43.672+02:00Arcadia - Smash Into PIeces<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When your favourite band drops the new album the
anticipation is huge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once upon a time
it used to be that there maybe 1 or 2 singles pre release but now it is much
more so when <i>Arcadia</i> dropped I knew a huge part of the material by heart already.
This does a couple of things 1. It meant I greeted the familiar songs with a
smile, like old friends you enjoy hanging out with and 2. I listened to the new
songs with great anticipation to see what they said, to know where they fit in
in always with that anticipation of "will I like the new as much as I like
the older?"</span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The last Smash Into Pieces album, <i>Evolver</i>, was an experimental mix of All-The-Things,
each song was stand alone and the album told the stories of each band members
through their individual influences and life changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean you do not often hear baby's laughter
on a rock cd but hot damn every time I listen to Lullaby I laugh and smile. For
me <i>Evolver </i>worked because it was like being let into the thought processes of each
band member as if there were no holds barred, no expectation and they could do
anything they pleased. A sort of This is our messy house come on in and sit down
and enjoy. I loved it then and I still do. </span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Fast forward 2 years and they give us <i>Arcadia</i> which is completely
different to the last album.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A band can
choose to go down many roads as they grow and evolve. They can decide to keep
on creating the same music that took them to popularity in the 1<sup>st</sup>
place or they can grow beyond their first steps. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Smash Into Pieces is a band that grows and
this is vital. There is a core fan base which likes the harder, grittier music
but over the years the sound has softened a little, the harmonies are much
tighter and the eclectic musical influences are far more overt leading to a
sound that is different from the early work but not as much as one might think
at first glance. With these shifts in style they manage to hold onto much of
the original fan base but also gain a whole new following because they appeal
to far wider range of musical tastes. Not many bands can do this well but Smash does. </span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>Arcadia</i> is a concept album, it tells a story and we, the
listener, are invited into this world through the music, the videos and the
webpage which gives more details about the tale being woven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: georgia;"><br />
Firstly, the music is bang on ( no pun intended) There is not a song on this
album I don't like. From the moment it begins with <i>The Siren</i> it lets you know
you are being invited into something a little different, for me it was a very
cyberpunk opening and it led into <i>Wake Up </i>which brings back some of the harder, edgier
sounds so you know the band is reaching back to its roots while being very true
to the new direction they are moving in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>From there on in it is one good song after another. I don't need to give a review of every song, I think they each speak for themselves and we, the listeners, get
to decide how we interpret and enjoy them. </span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;">One of the things that drew me to SIP in the first place was
their lyrics, although the band is Swedish, they write and sing in English and
their grasp on the nuances of their 2<sup>nd</sup> language is brilliant. They are incredibly clever lyricists. The
songs are thoughtful and full of meaning, I never tire of hearing them and I am
still discovering new things I had not previously heard. The music is intense, a
clever mix of traditional instruments and synthesized sounds which create an
extraordinarily rich, full-bodied sound. The songs are complex because of this
and this makes them interesting for more than one round of listening. You are
immediately invited in by the powerful and intense vocals, led by </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Chris Adam Hedman Sörbye who
has an amazing vocal range which is complimented by his bandmates, </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Benjamin "Banjo" Jennebo -</span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Guitar / Bass / Vocals, </span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="text_exposed_show">Per Bergquist - </span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span class="text_exposed_show">Guitar / Bass / Vocals</span> and </span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span class="text_exposed_show">The Apocalypse DJ who is far more than "just" the drummer in the band. </span></span> <br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;">One of the
major aspects that makes their sound so unique are the harmonies they use to
round out the vocals. These make the songs even more interesting musically simply
by the fact there is so much going on, add to this the pretty sweet rhythms that
are a lot more complex than one might think and the rich guitars and bass which
bring the entire show together you have a very polished finished product. There
is a huge amount of wide ranging talent in this band and it is showcased more with each album they release.<br /></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>Arcadia</i> has a balanced mix of heavy and soft rock songs,
well executed and lyrically beautiful. The musical influences are threaded through
each song, but in difference to <i>Evolver</i>, are more subtle and much tighter. This is a
solid album that has a lot to give the listener, every song is catchy in its
own way and very sing along-able and, as with many great songs, they stay in the
head long after the actual music has stopped playing on what ever medium you
are using. I, personally, have not been able to get <i>Bend the Rules</i> out of my
head and I really love <i>All Eyes on You. </i>Do I have favourites? Yes, but as these change and shift depending on my mood and what I am doing it seems best to just say this entire album is my favourite. <br /></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>Arcadia</i> is a fine addition to the Smash library, it is a
bittersweet, often melancholy journey through a world dominated by social media
and unrest at a time when the world is going through some pretty major changes. And while they do not sing overtly about the current world situations the themes are very present in the music which evokes as much sadness as it does joy and even hope. <br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> I give it the universe of stars! </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Arcadia is available on all music platforms and the band's page is here; <a href="https://www.smashintopieces.com/">https://www.smashintopieces.com/</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/smashintopiecesofficial/"><span style="font-family: georgia;">https://www.instagram.com/smashintopiecesofficial/</span></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/SmashIntoPieces/ ">smash on facebook </a><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;">also no one paid me for this. I just really love this band give them a listen!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a2mad82-o9c/X0ydkdKW0oI/AAAAAAAAHoc/LgM1EhxIencImjfWf5TJPhnyirk65PeQACLcBGAsYHQ/s860/2020-08-31%2B08_49_09-Window.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="786" data-original-width="860" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a2mad82-o9c/X0ydkdKW0oI/AAAAAAAAHoc/LgM1EhxIencImjfWf5TJPhnyirk65PeQACLcBGAsYHQ/s640/2020-08-31%2B08_49_09-Window.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;">
</span><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></p>merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-34176298414544330182020-06-14T16:23:00.000+02:002020-06-14T16:23:16.380+02:00The One Crow TreeI have this old dead bonsai that I love to use as a model. I truly sucked at keeping the little tree alive but I honour its memory by painting it , a lot. <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6GTy94sKYH4/XuYydj_DFeI/AAAAAAAAHlY/iUn7PIURdysiXmFbSxTDpAAndeV-CdD2ACK4BGAsYHg/s4160/IMG_20200606_180635.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4160" data-original-width="3120" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6GTy94sKYH4/XuYydj_DFeI/AAAAAAAAHlY/iUn7PIURdysiXmFbSxTDpAAndeV-CdD2ACK4BGAsYHg/s320/IMG_20200606_180635.jpg" /></a></div></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-900ogQE7xMk/XuYydCybE_I/AAAAAAAAHlU/8dn6qWPY6xApZax2wYb2L3KzRRwqTyfTQCK4BGAsYHg/s4160/IMG_20200606_180619.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4160" data-original-width="3120" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-900ogQE7xMk/XuYydCybE_I/AAAAAAAAHlU/8dn6qWPY6xApZax2wYb2L3KzRRwqTyfTQCK4BGAsYHg/s320/IMG_20200606_180619.jpg" /></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pYYjed7LQPY/XuYyerNWIiI/AAAAAAAAHlg/bNeDBrc3JccXEbj5krXfrTdVsXk9qEccACK4BGAsYHg/s4160/IMG_20200606_185323.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4160" data-original-width="3120" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pYYjed7LQPY/XuYyerNWIiI/AAAAAAAAHlg/bNeDBrc3JccXEbj5krXfrTdVsXk9qEccACK4BGAsYHg/s320/IMG_20200606_185323.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2OPqNJIAMQw/XuYyeCG3qtI/AAAAAAAAHlc/IzQbNUGkshIlmOtKjC92VAlyTRfe5q98ACK4BGAsYHg/s4160/IMG_20200606_185017_BURST002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4160" data-original-width="3120" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2OPqNJIAMQw/XuYyeCG3qtI/AAAAAAAAHlc/IzQbNUGkshIlmOtKjC92VAlyTRfe5q98ACK4BGAsYHg/s320/IMG_20200606_185017_BURST002.jpg" /></a></div>merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-1430745969646415502020-05-28T08:44:00.002+02:002020-05-28T08:45:06.979+02:00Art during the apocalypse.So yesterday I tried something new(ish) instead of little foxes and
bears, which I enjoy. For as long as I can remember I've drawn but
somewhere between 1988-and 1998 I mostly stopped doing a lot of art.
When I started again my drawing muscles had atrophied in such a way that
I kind of gave up. Since then it's been a sideline. I do the things I
know come fairly easily to me, don't require a lot of practice or
struggle ( much like physical exercise ) because at the heart of th<span class="text_exposed_show">ings I'm kinda lazy. </span><br />
But you know, when you do the same thing often enough you start to get a
bit bored with it...so I tried something harder ( for me)<br />
<br />
There
are A LOT of things I didn't get right and I see them, but that's the
thing I see them. A lot of techniques I haven't figured out yet,
practice and tenacity will make that happen. <br />
In my head I see
where I want to be, I already see the end goal which for me is half the
battle. If I can see the finished thing in my head it means somewhere
along the line it's done. It's part of the reason that in art college I
hated doing sketches because in my head I had already done all of that (
this is not to say there's no value in sketching because of course
there is and I really should do way more because this is also practice)<br />
<br />
But anyway, yesterday I dipped back into harder things, and this was
the result. It's okay, better than I thought it might be but no where
near where I want it to be. I'm not fishing for compliments here, but I
wanted to share the journey. I'm nowhere near the artist place I want to
be but I will get there. <br />
As you know, I've been avidly participating in the Dave Dorman watch along on Facebook while he paints a variety of things. Dave's art is amazing and this has been exceptionally inspirational,
so actually watch the process unfold, and be able to ask things like
"Hey how did you do X or how do you get your medium to do Y" I don't
work in oils but I have played with acrylics and I start to see that I
use watercolours where maybe acrylics would work better. It's a step
that will come but right now watercolours are my medium, just like they
were for my dad.<br />
<br />
So this is me, trying. Wanting to be a much
better artist than I currently am, pushing my comfort zone to try and
make the art I have in my head become a physical tangible thing. And
this is what I worked on yesterday because I really want to do star wars
art and get it right in a medium that's tricky and unforgiving of
mistakes. And if you want to follow along and add your voice to the
journey you are welcome to do so.<br />
<br />
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merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-84657947094115881482020-04-27T08:46:00.001+02:002020-04-27T08:46:29.673+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #11home exile day #43<br />
<br />
How's everyone doing? Still mostly okay? Still mostly sane?<br />
<br />
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<br />
We are doing okay. on a scale of 1-10 10 being awesome we are at around
a 7. Life is mostly normal except the whole home office thing and the
gaining weight because eating more. <br />
Also doing art.<br />
<br /> Trying to sort out said art for people to buy ( this is slower than expected)<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zd_pPOVocKs/XqZ94-sqX4I/AAAAAAAAHiU/MeZii8sEaYUbPxGXS-syqCwVZXl4egY8gCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_20200417_205925_813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zd_pPOVocKs/XqZ94-sqX4I/AAAAAAAAHiU/MeZii8sEaYUbPxGXS-syqCwVZXl4egY8gCEwYBhgL/s320/IMG_20200417_205925_813.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Luminous Beings are we" NFS</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
making masks...this one has very time consuming and for reasons I can't
explain makes me feel like I'm doing something of use, so I make a lot
of masks.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">many masks....</td></tr>
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<br />
<br />
Gardening, we are lucky beyond belief to have a garden
you can almost get lost in and a winter garden that will act as a hot
house. So due to the fact I am home this year more than normal I put
tomatoes in and yum! Cleaned the place up a bit so now you can sit in
the room without being blessed with a billion spiderwebs on everything.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XFikHmlAcBk/XqZ95AQRwxI/AAAAAAAAHiE/rBrWoKkrAqo87VD5VHlvSkiUr5pAwZcewCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/IMG_20200423_080215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XFikHmlAcBk/XqZ95AQRwxI/AAAAAAAAHiE/rBrWoKkrAqo87VD5VHlvSkiUr5pAwZcewCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/IMG_20200423_080215.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">geese and goslings under cherry blossoms</td></tr>
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Today is the weather will be fabulous but it turns tomorrow and
hopefully we will get rain by Wednesday, it's been nearly a month now
without rain. The whole area is screaming for it.<br />
anyway...it's Monday in case you wondered...<br />
<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HgZPZIEJ3tw/XqZ95ITcR8I/AAAAAAAAHiM/HFCoa1AvPdUlm5yMmNDi9gtWHXlneauZwCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_20200412_192544_204.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HgZPZIEJ3tw/XqZ95ITcR8I/AAAAAAAAHiM/HFCoa1AvPdUlm5yMmNDi9gtWHXlneauZwCEwYBhgL/s320/IMG_20200412_192544_204.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">finally finished the new Thrawn books.... awesome!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So be excellent to each other. The world is kinda the wild west at the moment. Stay home if you can, wear a face covering if you go out and remember we are all in the same boat because it's a virus it doesn't care about you. merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-61146196574095056302020-04-19T08:58:00.004+02:002020-04-19T08:58:56.421+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #10It's been a while since I last wrote. Days blend one into the other until I feel as though I'm experiencing Groundhog Day. This is not a complaint, the weather is gorgeous and I am safe at home. It's just surreal.<br />
<br />
Yesterday we went to a different grocery shop looking for certain supplies we couldn't get at the local one. It's the farthest I've been from my house in well over a month. It felt dangerous and surreal. The mall where the grocery chain is located was empty and dark, with the exception of 4 or 5 shops it was shut down. We got in, got what we needed plus a few extras and got out. They had oat flour ( plenty) so I stocked up because I can digest oat flour baked goods and it doesn't feel like they are trying to kill me. Baking is my comfort act.<br />
<br />
There was magic this week. A woman I've never met, total stranger to me saw some of the little paintings I've been posting on twitter and she asked to buy them. It was a big deal for me the person who never thinks she's worth much, always downplays the art and sells way below worth or even just gives it away because I do that ( And I like to give gifts) So someone offering to buy and pay me well for my work is kind of astonishing, it changed something in me. Gave me a sense of artist pride I'm not sure I ever owned before. Then more art sold and it, for that moment in time, felt really good. The brain weasels tried really hard to fuck this up for me and I had around 2 days of imposter syndrome but my friends took care of that pretty damned fast. ( thanks guys).<br /><br />So I sold art. I'm pretty chuffed. Another friend posted a poem he loved on facebook but said he didn't know where he found it, when I read it I realised hey that's one of mine. I throw these things out in to the world when they come back in such a delightful way ( as in someone loved it, or it touched them etc...) I am always so surprised. But here's the thing as a single entity trawling along on this planet you never know how you touch or influence people, not really. You are like a pebble someone tossed in a still lake, the ripples go outward forever and you never know what they do along the way. We are many pebbles being tossed in uncertain lakes, we touch and interact with each other all the time, we are not alone and never without influence or being influenced. I think about this a lot and hope that when this is me what I leave behind in my wake is good. When I die I want to be remembered as kind.<br />
<br />
So today I woke up from a terrible nightmare, the sun was shining, the lake is still, and I could make my husband happy by bringing him coffee in bed. The world outside is a shit show and it feels as though it is spiralling way out of control because, let's face it, it kinda is. We can't really do anything about this pandemic except follow the advice given to us. Right now that advice, at least in Germany, is to stay home, shun contact and try not to spread infection. How will it all end? I have no idea, this is a timeline I want to say I wasn't prepared for but apparently I was, I just didn't know it at the time I was doing all my usual things.<br />
<br />
So I will continue to make art and share it, make masks and share those,
bake stuff I can eat, enjoy the sunshine and the blossoming greenery
and wake each day grateful that I woke up. I woke up next to the person I
love and am grateful I get to spend my life with in a house we love in a
country that is pretty grown up all things considered. We have our own
troubles and there are a lot of things going on that are sad and
stressful, but we keep those to ourselves. We are each other's care
taker at the moment and that leaves me free to try and share good things
on the outside. <br /><br />Like art.<br /><br />
<br />
So here are my Lothcats from Star Wars Rebels, because I love cats anyway and these guys are cute. And Star Wars makes me happy.<br />
<br />
be well and be excellent to each other. <br />
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-79804362459207785772020-04-14T08:56:00.002+02:002020-04-14T08:56:44.128+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #9It's been a while since my last transmission...<br />
<br />
Out here in the quiet regions life continues at a relatively normal pace except nothing is normal right now. The strange expectation of doing ALLTHETHINGS vs the god do I even have to get out of bed today and what day is it anyway are vast. I've settled on a pattern of one thing for the house and one thing for me and anything else after that is bonus pudding without calories.<br />
<br />
The weather turned. Better and more accurate to say the temperature turned. It got way colder and we are back to having frost in the mornings. I forget it's only April and this is normal. What's not so normal is the lack of rain but this was the case last year as well. We never used to have to water the garden in April but here we are playing rain gods. The little black birds are happy though, they have water back in their little pond / bird bath and it's a delight to watch them splashing about with abandon. They don't care where they slosh water and the grass delights in the extra.<br />
<br />
We have been fixing up the garden. I planted things, things that are growing, herbs, potatoes and so on. This speaks of hope, my hope that I will be home more to tend these growy things. My house plants are also benefiting me not travelling 9-10 days a month, they look lush and green and loved. Well they are loved. I see the difference in me being home all the time tend to them, whisper stories to them, tell them I love them. They like this sort of thing.<br />
<br />
Inside things are different. I'm back to not sleeping so well, the general melancholy is also back and I'm withdrawing. I find I don't want to engage much on social media, I don't have much to say and as a passive listener trying to sort out between the data skips and lag I find I lose the will to concentrate and be present. What's changed is I now want to read books and be quiet.<br />
<br />
I just finished the 2nd book in the new Thrawn trilogy and it was excellent. Better than the the 1st set of books in the now Legacy canon. The writing is tighter, the story more coherent. And now that Thrawn has a voice ( thank you Rebels) it's easier to hear his character as well. I look forward to the next book. And also to more Star Wars stories in general. In difference to many I like the new direction, the new characters and the stories. I especially love the new films ( well maybe not The Last Jedi as much) but over all I am satisfied with how the saga ended. But I would like more. More well written, excellent characters and stories set in the Star Wars universe will never go unwelcome in this house. The Mandalorian is definitely a plus. It almost makes me want to revisit my own 3 book star wars saga ( that fan fic thing I wrote ages ago) Edit the fuck out of it and make it more readable. What I take sheer joy in is seeing so many thing I wrote about actually come to life (not suggesting anyone stole anything) just that minds have caught up with the same ideas. It's nice.<br />
<br />
So here we are on the 30th day of self exile. The world moves forward because time moves forward but it feels as though it were standing still.<br /><br />The pictures are from ages ago when I was futzing about with 12" dolls and photo stuff to illustrate my stories. <br />
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-70818806198615371052020-04-07T23:35:00.000+02:002020-04-07T23:35:25.585+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #8<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We finally watched all of Star Wars Rebels in one go over the last two or so weeks. It was fun before but suddenly it seems bigger some how, so much more. Perhaps because we know ALL the story and can see where this fits in so much better or perhaps it is just the times we live in that we ( I) needed to be told a tale full of courage and love, with people facing insurmountable odds and who go forward even thought they sometimes lose the ones they love. It's a gorgeous show and I'm in love with loth cats and loth wolves and the actor who voices Thrawn. ...well Thrawn....<br /><br />There's a fat full moon tonight, it's stunning prompting me to gaze up at it lovingly and say in a slightly child like and singsong little voice..."Moon moon." I do this a lot. I love the moon. It shines full into our bedroom and when I lie in bed and it is drowning me in its light I feel at peace. Full moons don't sway me like a dark moon does. I feel bright and lifted up. I love sleeping in its light.<br /><br />
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Today was laundry day. Lots of laundry drying in the sun and wind which has shifted now to come from the North east. It will be hot tomorrow then the weather changes again. Easter weekend will cool down and be wet. As usual. As the quarantine continues I feel more at ease with it, not with the news, but with being home, something shifted and settled down after all the travelling, I love it here and I had kinda forgotten this. And while I don't mind being a bit nomadic I am grateful that I have a place to set some roots. <br />
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merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-81233844004014068862020-04-07T08:11:00.001+02:002020-04-07T08:16:13.279+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #7week 4<br />
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We were supposed to be in Ticine this week, it's a monthly thing for Marcus's work. We would have been coming back from Austria from an SCA event, Crown Tourney, instead we were at home for the 4th weekend running. I had forgotten how much I LIKE being home. especially now because it's spring, which means planting and re-potting and generally being out in the garden. And it has been glorious.<br />
<br />
The weather has been gradually warming up, yesterday was sunny and bright with zero clouds in the sky. No planes = no clouds it seems.<br />
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We got new neighbours a few months back, weekend people who bought the villa next door because they liked the view, it's a massive house at 400 m2 but hey I guess if you have the money why not. Anyway these guys decided they needed to landscape the bottom of the garden that meets the small lake and since their property and our property run into each other it was decided to see if we could go on a joint mission to rid ourselves of the sleeping beauty brambles that have essentially closed off the bottom of the garden to the lake for as long as we have lived in the house.<br />
<br />
We are talking bramble stalks as thick and my arm with thorns that will shred you if you dare go near them. So for the last few days the area has been filled with the sound of workers' voices, mostly men and mostly speaking a middle eastern language, I don't know what exactly but it sounded warm and full of laughter. They were funny and nice and they worked their asses off. Under normal circumstances I would have made cake and offered coffee but physical distancing meant I stayed back and waved from afar. <br />
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Now the way to the water is clear for the 1st time since we have lived here and it is glorious. The lake is privately owned. Something my little Canadian brain can't wrap itself around. You need to be a member of the Hamburg fishing club to use it but since we don't fish and due to the amount of birds that live on the lake I wouldn't be caught dead swimming in it getting to the water has never been a big deal. Now I think wouldn't it be cool to be able to go canoeing on the lake because it's big enough to do that but small enough you don't get lost. We'll see how things develop.<br />
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I spent the weekend re-potting house plants and planting seeds, I hope we will get some chilies, tomatoes and a bunch of herbs. I like growing things, I like feeling the earth on my hands and knowing that I can help something grow and be beautiful. We have a bunch of new house plants because everything was on sale at the local baumarket and I felt the need to rescue them, give them new pots and a nice home. I'm a bit nuts like this.<br />
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anyway this is the beginning of week 4....<br />
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-11951028704456448952020-04-02T19:26:00.000+02:002020-04-07T08:16:04.367+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #6<div data-contents="true">
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<span data-offset-key="eogln-0-0"><span data-text="true">today...in a grey zone. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="eogln-0-0"><span data-text="true">Making masks for friends, did dishes, ate some food, napped on the couch because I'm not sleeping well at night, the post brought me autoclave paper but it is not right for my evil plans so it will be used for other things, I feel as though my soul is un-tethering and wandering about the house like a lost ghost. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="eogln-0-0"><span data-text="true">Today was the gregarious husband's day at work where he got to hang out with people ( I am not people) </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="adgtf-0-0"><span data-text="true">I'm okay, we're okay. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="15ceb-0-0"><span data-text="true">things are weird.</span></span></div>
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merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-74931658494433302432020-03-31T13:57:00.002+02:002020-04-07T08:15:55.015+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #5Missed yesterday because I somehow managed to bugger up my lower back, I suspect it was delayed reaction to doing PE with Joe and pushing my very stiff hip flexors too far. So yesterday saw me sucking back the Ibuprofen and sitting on a heating pad. kind of boring really. There's a bunch of health related things going on with me none of them COVID related at all. Mostly it's damage done by having un-diagnosed for too long endometriosis and the aftermath the adhesions cause. Needless to say not eating the right things ( or better to say eating the wrong things) makes me ill. Not being active also is not helping. It's a bit depressing though every time I start a get fit regime this happens to me.<br />
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Today it's a bit better, so I'm back to doing stuff, skype with my friend Marie, made lunch for my hard working guy and then we went for a little walk. It's frigging cold so I wore my parka MY PARKA! ( cold is +4°C and windy...the parka is good till -30°C ....uh huh all my Canadian buddies are sniggering.<br />
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Later on I will probably sew some stuff maybe paint, I have projects to do now so I should do it...what I really feel like doing is watching movies all day... but hey can't be a slug 24/7.<br />
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stay safe out there people, wash your hands and remember to be kind. merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-24732231825171177152020-03-29T10:03:00.000+02:002020-04-07T08:15:45.602+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #4It's fucking snowing.<br />
Yesterday it was a sunny spring day.<br />
Today it's blowy as stink and snowing.<br />
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Snow won't stick though, it's too warm for that too wet, but still. The flowers be like WTF dude we were just getting our glow on. <br />
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It's also Sunday. Not that this makes much a difference, well here it does because everything is closed, we don't do Sunday shopping and I am A-OK with this.<br />
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Today will be the sit on the couch and sew stuff day. Watch tv, skype with my posse.<br />
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I'm struggling today, I have a few health issues that tend to get worse when I'm stressed, triggered by eating the wrong things and made worse because I'm not really sleeping all that well. My lizard brain starts going to the what if you have ( fill in deadly disease here) and you are going to die because we are in the middle of a fucking pandemic and nothing works any more. Except in Germany mostly things are ok. Germans are pretty good at the stay the fuck away from people thing ( mostly) and my health issues have been with me a long time and it's primarily damage done by the endometriosis and will never heal and will never get better but can be managed. Still like most things I'm a fuck up at following a routine that works for me, that keeps me fairly pain free and I rather like the occasional milk product or bread product even if my body goes "Just don't".<br />
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So today's plan is to be lazy a bit, take a time out from the usual neurotic wreck I am inside, don't show it as much as I feel it. Try to combat it with making art, sharing good things and being as kind as I can. I don't know what else to do, I hope my friends and my family will be okay, I am sad for the news of other people who are not, mourn the dead, the death of normal, the world we live in. I hope that out of this comes better things, I hope that most people see how connected we all are and how much better things are when we work together, when we are kinder and more loving but what I see is people taking advantage of a terrible situation to make themselves rich, to climb to the top of the decaying heap, to maintain a tight grip on the power they think they have. The bad outweighs the good. Greed is winning over everything else.<br />
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So I hope desperately that when things ease up it will be for the better. In the mean time I will try not to lose hope.<br />
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Wash your hands, wear a mask if you can, and be kind. <br />
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-71675213716826140282020-03-28T09:01:00.001+01:002020-04-07T08:15:36.198+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #3Safe at home exile day 13 <br />
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Yesterday I did my first Joe Wicks work out jeeze I am a middle aged out of shape something something. In my head I'm still 25 yeah not so much in reality. today my muscles are letting me know I should probably do this way more often. I hope it will help ease out the knots in my back causing the headaches. I sit too much. Here's the link if you're interested. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAxW1XT0iEJo0TYlRfn6rYQ">The Body Coach you tube </a><br />
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Had my first major panic attack last night at around 1am. Woke up
heart pounding in my ears vaguely terrified. Since these are not unknown
to me I rode it out with the usual coping methods. There was no
specific trigger but I was tired and edgy yesterday due to 3 hours of
bad sleep the night before. I took CBD oil (3 drops 5mg) and I suspect
that lowered my already fairly low BP just enough to spin me up. <br />
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The weird thi<span class="text_exposed_show">ng
about normal within the no longer normal is it's hard to reconcile. My
life in "lockdown" is pretty much my life when things are normal. I'm at
home A LOT. The only difference right now is Marcus is home too. But I
feel the anxiety and fear of the world, it's a tsunami of emotion and I
find myself crying at the drop of a hat a lot. There's a lot of
helplessness in that mix. </span><br />
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I
watched a video which talked about how masks actually help especially
if everyone wears them so after I'm done making the officer hats I have
on the table I will try my hand at masks.<br />
It's Saturday today, I have to remind myself of this because days are starting to blend one into the other.... It's partly why I began to keep this blog again, I don't want to forget this moment in time. <br />
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I'm working on art stuff and some secret art stuff, making hats, some half assed house work and playing a ridiculous amount of Subnautica which is a pretty excellent game, once I realised you could play it without the food and water aspect the anxiety was greatly reduced. <br />
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Tomorrow it is forecast to snow...it's nearly April.<br />
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crazy weather but really can't complain as the whole week has been beautiful and sunny albeit a tad chilly. We are all struggling, some way more than other, remember to breathe and try to be kind to each other out there.</div>
merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-36873919501260977662020-03-28T08:43:00.000+01:002020-04-07T08:15:24.378+02:00Dancing while under the apocalypse #2 ( I just like the title)26.03.2020<br />
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The weather forecast for today literately just said "Same as Wednesday" I had to go look up what it was like yesterday because duh, not quite awake yet. Sunny and crisp if you are interested. The lake ( puddle if you are a Newfoundlander) is as still as glass, it's lovely. So today will be a nice day. I think nature is laughing its ass off at us, we are mostly quarantined and it's gorgeous out, even the North German weather is having a go. <br />
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Yesterday was move your ass day. We did a big grocery shop in the morning, outside of toilet paper, hand sanitizer and flour the shelves were mostly in good stocked order. I found oat flour which I had been thinking about if it even exists a day before. See this is one of those semi useless magic powers Chuck Wendig was asking about on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/ChuckWendig/status/1242940694051934215">https://twitter.com/ChuckWendig/status/1242940694051934215</a> I need something and I don't even have to ask out loud and the universe generally provides within reason. Still waiting on the million euros to fix the house roof but you know...sometimes a million doesn't come ALL AT ONCE. So anyway oat flour.... wheat flour things make me itch ( as in physically itch in places one should not itch) and makes me vaguely ill. So I tried baking with it the results were interesting but edible.<br />
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anyway blah blah.<br />
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things poodle along.<br />
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merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-48078535837178694102020-03-25T17:14:00.000+01:002020-03-25T17:17:25.232+01:00Dancing while under the apocalypseNothing is normal.<br />
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25.03.2020 Home exile from the universe day 10.<br />
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It's
beautiful and sunny, it's been sunny all week actually it's like nature
is laughing but I'll take it. I wake up with the sun streaming into the
bedroom, very bright and early but also nice.<br />
<br />
Yesterday I did
laundry and was able to hang outside for the first time this year but I
should have checked the line because I managed to get 1/4 of it full of
clothes when it broke. So the next 10 minutes were spent fixing it and
hauli<span class="text_exposed_show">ng it back up. I was doing this and
thinking ha ha I learned this technique sailing on tall ships. It is
weird the skills that come in handy. Anyway the laundry went out, and it
dried ( it was windy as fuck yesterday so also really cold) </span><br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
Some people asked me to make officer hats which gives me hope that
things may go back to some sort of normal and I got asked by a friend to
illustrate a story she wrote and it sound like a fun project. In
between the game playing ( I'm in the middle of a second go at
Subnautica.) and the laundry I'm poodling about upstairs sorting and
cleaning.<br />
<br />
I feel all loose endish, sort of wander from project
to project but don't settle. Try to limit the amount of news I watch /
read/ listen to because it's in equal amounts, sad, frustrating and
incredulous and none of that in any sort of good way. We really get to
see who the good leaders on the world are and who the shite ones are.
Nothing shows true colours more than adversity. Are you a dick or are
you compassionate? choose wisely.<br />
<br />
I am grateful for many things,
friends, family, the internet, books, art, modern medicine and so on.
Tiny things we take for granted every single day.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wLUHdQ0tbhs/XnuD_Qwj-zI/AAAAAAAAHcM/k0tDW4wSYC4cTCvb0LMnha-9wycwDVZuACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/crow.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wLUHdQ0tbhs/XnuD_Qwj-zI/AAAAAAAAHcM/k0tDW4wSYC4cTCvb0LMnha-9wycwDVZuACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/crow.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
Today I am grateful for the sunny morning.</div>
<br />
merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-40828997480766918242016-02-07T12:27:00.003+01:002016-02-07T12:27:24.758+01:002 sheep and a crow.<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Me: Oh look there's a magpie in the garden.<br />Husband: Who's making pies in the garden?<br />Me ( with a very straight face): Mags.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
husband dissolves in laughter. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; margin-top: 6px;">
Yep, Just another day in Trenthorst.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2 sheep and a crow, Trenthorst 2011</td></tr>
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merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-70733763390286083052016-02-06T23:08:00.000+01:002016-02-06T23:08:03.244+01:00why is it...that our house gremlins are so mean? They keep hiding my art supplies.merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-36874068199127321972016-01-31T23:37:00.004+01:002016-01-31T23:37:42.002+01:00poems and blank pagesSo in the hunt for something to draw on, like I don't actually have enough paper to draw on in this house, I decided to start using some of my good blank books that I have had since the 80's. I am a huge fan of Clairefontaine paper and in university (the 1st round) I discovered their gorgeous notebooks which I gleefully filled with all sorts of nonsense.<br />
<br />
fast forward many moons later and I'm still collecting notebooks of various sizes and paper styles from Clairefontaine but here's the thing...I tend to not use them. It's beautiful silky paper so I don't want to waste it on my scribbles. And even more weird is the fact that I go upstairs to find a sketch book to noodle in and decide I don't have enough so just in case I should maybe buy more which leads to an ebay search. This leads to my brain going....Uh before we hit the buy button maybe we should go back upstairs and actually count ... you know like do an inventory?<br />
<br />
So I did.<br />
<br />
Then because I'm sorting out my used books and unused books I start looking through the old ones and realise that jeeze I wrote a lot of poetry. Then I decided I should probably collect it all in one book so ...I picked one of the nice hard back CF notebooks with lines and begin that job but then I have to find just the right fountain pen and ink. Thankfully for me I have a friend who sent me a few awesome noodlers pens to try out with some lovely ink. So I guess I know what distraction I'll be using to avoid housework in the next week.<br />
<br />
and in case anyone actually wonders...I don't think it's particularly good poetry but I like it and that is what counts.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FJsc29p4BQU/Vq6MMCoUgVI/AAAAAAAAG_E/s-e16fuSLPk/s1600/DSC02585.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FJsc29p4BQU/Vq6MMCoUgVI/AAAAAAAAG_E/s-e16fuSLPk/s320/DSC02585.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">unused blank books</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">used blank books</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-82tevLB-X1c/Vq6MQBSsBmI/AAAAAAAAG_M/xvWgSP0ayRo/s1600/DSC02587.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-82tevLB-X1c/Vq6MQBSsBmI/AAAAAAAAG_M/xvWgSP0ayRo/s320/DSC02587.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">my Clairefontaine addiction</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-74590564761134520512016-01-30T10:51:00.003+01:002016-01-30T10:52:39.094+01:00It was a dark and stormy....Last night we had a power outtage. It lasted around 3 minutes, not even enough time for me to light a candle. Power outs are not normal here but it's very stormy so who knows what happened. By German standards we live in the almost boonies.<br />
<br />
This morning my husband turns to me while we are drinking our coffee in bed and says:<br />
<br />
"It's a good thing we don't live near a Jurassic Park."<br />
<br />
Me: "Why's that?"<br />
<br />
Marcus: "The velociraptors would have escaped."<br />
<br />
Me ( not awake enough to follow) "What?"<br />
<br />
Marcus: "With the power out they would have escaped."<br />
<br />
Me: "Dude the power was out for like three minutes."<br />
<br />
Marcus: "Velociraptors are smart."<br />
<br />
Me: "Okay."<br />
<br />
Marcus: " But not T-rex. T-rex is stupid he would not have made it out in time."<br />
<br />
Me: "Well I guess it's a good thing we don't live next to a Jurassic Park."<br />
<br />
<br />
And that was how my day began today but it got me thinking, we have this warren of rabbits at the bottom of the garden...what if they turn out to be the bunnies from Monty Python's Holy Grail...?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-49330024242932974132016-01-26T13:47:00.001+01:002016-01-26T13:47:08.393+01:00All gone away.There are no angels here.<br />
They have all gone away to<br />
become fashion designers and<br />
magazine editors.<br />
No more snowy wings to fly<br />
on the autumn wind with.<br />
There are no gypsies here.<br />
They exist in this world no longer.<br />
They have no more caravans<br />
only fast cars and a house<br />
in the suburbs.<br />
They do not tell fortunes and<br />
they do not place curses.<br />
Only their feet remember the<br />
journeys of the heart.<br />
<br />
Ottawa sept 25th, 1988merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-86237127291175384532016-01-17T11:41:00.002+01:002016-01-17T11:41:35.084+01:00The messy desk.My desk is a mess, there's stuff all over it. This happens over time and slowly until I get totally annoyed and then clean it up and dum...dum...dum...start all over again. It's like my brain. It gets cluttered and messy, with too much going on. I've noticed the relationship between the messy desk and my cluttered brain.<br />
<br />
It's always the same when I start a new project as well. I need to utterly clear and clean up the work space before starting anything new. Like the tidy space helps unclutter the messy mind.<br />
<br />
My mind is like my desk right now, a lot of stuff in it, a lot of stuff just unorganized and rattling around, messy chaotic and random. I don't focus on any one thing, instead the thoughts, the emotions dance all over the place, skittery psychotic ballerinas on ice.<br />
<br />
Yesterday I was talking to my husband as we drove to get groceries and breakfast that this past week has been hard. It has, I announced, been a week of sadness and spacemen.<br />
<br />
I live in strange times.<br />
But then again...don't we all? All the time?<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hwci3VnvK1o/Vptvta2-LII/AAAAAAAAG-0/16TcS2JkZjo/s1600/2016-01-15%2B15_31_10-NASA%2BTelevision%2B_%2BNASA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hwci3VnvK1o/Vptvta2-LII/AAAAAAAAG-0/16TcS2JkZjo/s320/2016-01-15%2B15_31_10-NASA%2BTelevision%2B_%2BNASA.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yoda hanging out at NASA on the Tims spacewalk.<br /></td></tr>
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-85534619022056740102016-01-15T08:44:00.003+01:002016-01-15T08:44:35.456+01:00because sometimes art = light, and I just like crows. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ijRNzsHleGE/VpijQ1-NTNI/AAAAAAAAG-U/rIGV1wQSE3s/s1600/m_1crowtree_web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ijRNzsHleGE/VpijQ1-NTNI/AAAAAAAAG-U/rIGV1wQSE3s/s320/m_1crowtree_web.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-10774641819804930112016-01-14T20:06:00.001+01:002016-01-15T08:32:41.875+01:002016 the year the began with death.I suppose all years begin with someone dying and it's just as a Gen-xer I start to notice it hitting the people I grew up with and admired. Most of the time there is a feeling of sadness and some sense of loss but it moves on replaced by other things in the daily walk forward to my own one day demise. But this week...well this week has been the shits or as my German friends say echt Scheisse.<br />
<br />
On Monday we lost David Bowie, I read the announcement on his FB pace as soon as it was posted actually and like several of my friends, thought it was a horrible hoax because Bowie had just put out a new album and released two singles, I mean if he were ill we'd have heard about it, right? Wrong. So on Monday I spent a huge chunk of time crying and feeling far more sad than I felt I had any right to. It's a strange thing to grieve hard for someone one has never even met or spent time with but still feels a strong connection to. It's made even worse by being empathic and sitting along side millions of other and reading tweet after tweet, post after post about how other people are also sitting and crying and feeling inexplicably sad, while in between a few people snark about how it's not a big deal and maybe we should just get past it and move on with our lives. Not only did I lose a cultural icon, and actor and singer I really liked but somewhere in between the cracks I think I also lost or maybe it's better to say let go of a friend. Monday was a bad, bad day.<br />
<br />
Tuesday I had a grief hangover and the furnace decided to break down. This is a thing that my husband usually takes care of, calling the furnace dudes who I have to say are awesome and getting them to come out to the house and fix the damned thing but we just got a NEW furnace so it breaking down was a bad thing, and as it's new and modern it's all "hey let me flash this message at you..."<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">there is a problem inside your furnace, please inform your heating dudes. ( I'm paraphrasing)</span><br />
<br />
I posted a picture of it because it's kind of what I do when things go wrong and my brother who channels Douglas Adams sometimes did this with it:<br />
<br />
<br />
"<span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">If I were programming these things it would have said, </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">"Hey, don't want to alarm you (I know this is an alarm) but the water pump just told me that it's sick and while it enjoys pumping water around your house, the cheap bearing the manufacturer used from Ch**</span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">* rather than the good one from G******* has failed and in its words "I am no longer able to fulfill my duty. It's been a slice." Oh you should turn of my power so I don't burn out. Sorry it will be cold, love the (expired before my time) pump.""</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">"</span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">Alternatively the msg could come from the device itself... "erm hi there, yo, hey Fiona, yeah it's me, the water pump, you know the bit that helps the furnace heat your home? Yeah the red thingy that goes whirrr most of the time. Look, erm, I'm sorry b</span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px;">ut I'm not feeling well and can't make it to work today. You're cool with that right? Oh could you call the Dr. for me? I might actually be dying. No, no, nothing serious just a failed gasket, well seized bearing, and I'm overheating so you should probably kill the power. Oh please tell zone valve 5 I love her. tks.""</span><br />
<br />
So I ended up having to do something that terrifies me and that is talk to people in German on the phone about technical stuff and push buttons etc... on the new furnace. After a few minutes we established that the furnace dudes needed to swing by. Which they did.<br />
<br />
I like the furnace guy, the in charge one who was the person who oversaw the installation of the new furnace. He also recommended a friend of his to fix our upstairs window. He asked if we had fixed it yet and I told him no oh and your friend never called us.<br />
<br />
To which he replied, "That's because he fell off a roof." ( he lived but he was pretty badly hurt so it will take a while before he is fixing stuff again)<br />
<br />
/sigh<br />
<br />
Wednesday I went to work. It was a better day at work than most and I got unexpected flowers from co workers because I always bring them sweeties but now we have new work times that involve us getting up at the crack of doom and I was just tired. You'd think being tired would mean sleeping but nope at 3am I was awake and tossing and turning and my brain was doing it's usual "Hey remember that thing you did when you were like 5 and you felt bad about it???"<br />
<br />
So it's Thursday a continuation of a theme saw the death of Alan Rickman, also 69 also from Cancer and also a shock.<br />
<br />
I'm exhausted and my brain is full of over flowing anxious thoughts that do not stop.<br />
<br />
So I will drive them away with a marathon of harry Potter.merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-1477373817323871832016-01-12T09:19:00.001+01:002016-01-12T09:19:32.693+01:00David Bowie died yesterday.I have a crying hangover.<br />
<br />
The world is still and grey today. Not a breath of wind to stir across the lake. I woke up sad, with music in my head and a to-do list nagging at me. Time is passing. I don't usually notice it much but right now it's weighing heavily. I wonder how it is possible to feel old and ageless at the same time. How I can still feel so much while at the same time I feel empty.<br />
<br />
I find I am filled with sorrow and melancholy but this is not new, this is on going and ever present. It's a question that I often get asked, "why are you so sad?". I have no real answer but it's there all the time though some days I notice its presence less.<br />
<br />
It's the cousin to the litter of anxieties I live with daily. The parcel of nagging voices telling me all the terrible things. How can one person be full of so much doubt? So much worry? So much sadness.<br />
<br />
But today, well today i am just tired from inside out.<br />
<br />
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<br />merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1399625590088569894.post-63116771137800489072015-12-01T08:53:00.002+01:002015-12-01T08:53:50.883+01:00A thousand Inukshuks<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">a thousand inukshuks,</span><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">in my head,</span><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">I see them one after the other,</span><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">memory markers for where I once was.</span><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">Now they are</span><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">in my dreams,</span><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">telling me where I have been</span><br style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;">not where I am going.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 19.32px;"><br /></span>merlynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08345465867559490309noreply@blogger.com0