family

me and my fabulous sister on Christmas ever in Newfoundland.

So we got bad news yesterday. It's been that kind of start to the new year. My Great Aunt Chris died last week and yesterday I learned that my favourite uncle was discovered to have been having a heart attack for the past 2 days after a 9 hour wait at the ER. He was rushed via helicopter to another hospital for emergency cardiac surgery. The only news since has not been positive. I feel very far away from my family and all I can do is hope for a good outcome but mentally prepare for the worst. When I moved to Germany to be with the love of my life I left the rest of my life and family behind. It happens, my mum did the exact same thing but it doesn't make times like this easy.

All in all January and Feb(so far) have been pretty crappy. My endo issues have attacked with a vengeance so I've spent most of this past month and half not feeling 100%. I am hoping that the up and coming obgyn visit will see some sort of forward movement. The hormone therapy stops my period ( mostly) but now the rest of the symptoms are back. It's painful and tiring, though honestly it's mostly just exhausting. It's difficult to have a chronic illness that does a variety of weird things to one's body, harder when no one understands it including the world of doctors and disheartening when it attacks a person in places it's not polite to talk about it.

However... never mind all that. It's been a pretty productive time as well. I found my way back to making scrolls. I love the art. It's precise and exacting and it takes my brain to a quiet place where pain and problems are forgotten. The break did me good. I came back to the craft with new eyes and rediscovered my love for it. Plus being in my studio, which is warm and comforting, is a sort of refuge from everything that's going on.

in a few days I turn 45. I am half way through my 40's. I think this is a good thing. It hasn't been a happy number so I think I will be glad to get through it. So I guess this was a non art related post but it's where my head is right now. Missing my family, sad by the losses that have swept through my friends' lives as well as my own and watching with bated breath as a turbulent world seems to shift again to something different and hopefully better.

so anyway now I wait for news and hope. There is always hope.