Thursday, 27 November 2008

Catching up...

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So, nearly after two months after the grand move things are sort of settling down. The picture above is the view from my art studio, the new one. As you can all see it's stunning and very peaceful. I can't tell you all how much I have needed this. Every morning the world outside my window shows us a spectacular show, even if it is gray and rainy and we see this when we wake up as this view is also the same from the bedroom. It's very peaceful here in many ways especially when I liken it to Bedano which was anything but peaceful however this doesn't mean this place is dead quiet. In fact there is always stuff going on near the house because this area is part of an ecological institute so lots of farming stuff goes on. I see people outside the house all the time which is cool.

I am also currently dealing with some minor but incredibly annoying health issues but have been extremely lucky to find a great doctor who is taking care of me. It's been a bit of a rough ride especially in my head where I tend to make things so much worse than they are. I don't know why I do that either, I build up huge terrible fearful scenarios in my head and none of them are real. I am working on reversing this way of thinking because it's not very helpful.

On the whole tho the move back to Germany was a good one. M is happy and busy and I am happy and busy-ish. That is to say i have lots to do and I have a lot of arty stuff on my slate but I am a bit unsettled atm with my perceived health problems and an inability to sit for very long ( yeah butt issues are just so much fun) but I still have stuff to do including housework. This is a big house so it takes up time and I am happy for that it keeps my brain busy.

I don't post here all that often...I wanted it to be a more serious blog and maybe even an art blog to talk about my art but oddly enough it's not something I really care to talk about much, it either speaks for itself or someone asks but just babbling about it seems artificial to me. So we're back to babbling about my life in general.

I tend to use the live journal blog for the day to day stuff, it's a bit faster to post to and most of my community of friends seem to use that, they get updated when I post but not when I post here, posting the same thing on two blogs seems silly but I like this one better go figure.

Now that I am getting back into a routine and the moving stress is slipping away and we are starting to find our place here in the village as well as this house it's easier to sit and make a decent post on this blog.

For the first time in years we have a busy as heck social calender and it's very nice to have friends near by to speak to and hang with and do stuff with. I had forgotten what that was like. I have been so self isolated for such a long time and it was quite damaging. I thinkI needed to find this out, that I need people and community to be a whole person but it was and is a rough side trip.

As a human being who tends to think on the more "new age" way I feel this journey is a long one and I am on earth in this body to learn, but like school sometimes the lessons are hard and avoidance is so much easier. I am going through the dreaded mid life swing right now, all fear and aprihension. My body is changing, I am changing and through it all I am a bit lost, lacking some serious direction. I know this will change and in the end things will happen which will guide and be good, but right now it's a dark place to be and yanking myself out of it is a LOT of hard work. Honestly there are days when i just wish to sleep through the whole thing and by the wholething I mean life - how's that for avoidance?

So, here I am back again. Looking inwards and outwards in a place where I know my soul can heal from the damage done in Switzerland. Not that this country is awful or anything because it isn't but it was not a good place for me to be. And while there are people and things I do miss on the whole I am glad as hell to be away, it feels as though I was released from a prison of sorts, one of my own making I am sure but never the less I feel free. It's a good thing, I hope it lasts.

until then, be excellent to each other!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Merly! I hope you're doing better. Know that my thoughts and hopes are with you. This will be posted as Jodi, but you know me as Tivy.

    Miss you sweetie.


tales from the dark side...