Bright Barking Mad

This photo describes my life. sitting waiting... can't go left ....can't go right.
Wondering what is behind door #3?

As days go, today is a good day. getting some stuff in the house done. The weather outside is decent. My head cold has subsided to a midly irritating cough and the weird skippy beat heart poundy thing went away after five minutes of washing the kitchen floor. Who says that house work is unhealthy??

I'm waiting at the moment for many things. Waiting for men to show up and 'fix' stuff around the the house. Remember those leaks I chatted about last year well...

Waiting for bad news to come. M's Omi is in hospital not doing well. She is in her 90's and apart from 1 heart attack and 1 bout of fluid in the lungs she has been healthy and up and doing stuff. Full of life and energy I hope that when and if I ever reach her age I am as energetic as she is. Well at the moment she isn't and it is saddening. She is a fantastic lady and we all adore her.

Waiting for something to happen, waiting to start my life.. arghhhhh waiting waiting waiting. I write this word A LOT in my journals. I'm probably waiting for a really good swift kick in the arse actually, although right now I am waiting for the kitchen floor to dry so I can slap a coat of wax stuff on it. Waiting for paint to dry as well so that I can finish up my present for my friend BM which I started last year, I'm a bad friend. It takes me forever to do things.

waiting waiting waiting...

guess my floor will be dry now... time to make a nice hot cup of tea.

until then, be excellent to each other!

Two worlds and the inbetween...

less than 4 weeks till Christmas. I will say this right off the bat...I hate Christmas. I am a confirmed scroogette. So... no christmas spirit here... it is just anothe rone of those loud commercial times of year full of too many expectations and too many dashed hopes. I gave up on Christmas a long time ago. Much prefer halloween.

Still, in Europe it means Christmas markets which I DO look forward to, glühwein and Thüringers from the Hamburg Market on the Rathaus Platz mmmmmmmmmmm yummy. All the gorgous little stands especially the hand made things...

No real markets here in the land that time forgot. No real anything here except mountains, plenty of those...

Yesterday we had sweeping Föhn winds, dried everything up inc my laundry yay. But today no more howling dry winds, it's sunny and misty all at the same time. Sleepy as only a valley here can be. It doesn't look or feel Christmasy it feels like late October.

So what's new? Not terribly much. SCA university was two weekends ago. Was a good event by my standards which means I wasn't sick, I didn't get stressed out and no migraines. The feast food was very good, the scriptorium accomplished stuff and scribes were patted on the back!

I saw things that made me proud to be a part of this club and things that made me shake my head in disgust. In a few weeks I step down as an officer and am right gald to to so. Four years is a long time to serve although it went very quickly and I loved my job. I enjoyed being the keeper of secrets and geting to know the amazingly talented scribes in this kingdom.

Speaking of talent, Nerissa showed her portfolio and as I looked at her art work I really do have to wonder how in the name of all that's holy did I ever get to be considered laurel worthy? I question this every single day. Probably should have said no, but in the end maybe I can still do some more good as one than not. Mostly it has me bewildered.

Still .... four years is enough and I am stepping down to go one to quieter things and maybe catch up on my backlog of scrolls I promised I would do. Be nice to do stuff without a deadline attached for a while.

On the other side of the galaxy, am still seriously playing SWG. There have been changes in the guild but that is to be expected, people leave people join, it's normal. We role play Imperials so that's not for everyone. It is a good place though for me, I almost always find someone to chat with in game, which alleviates the lonliness of living here in what I am sure is a version of hell. I am pretty sure that hell isn't all fire and brimstone, it's sheer boredom and isolation from eveything one loves.

Both M and I need to get our asses in gear. We have become complacent, bored / boring. Our house is a box full of stuff we keep saying we will eventually sort out and never do. I feel as though I am drowning in junk. So we have a to do list and a must have /must get rid of list and maybe we'll even follow through, who knows.

In the meantime I have a book to write and laundry and housework to catch up on. I am getting another cold and my period just started which explains the miserable blues from yesterday. Oh yay for hormones.

until then be excellent to each other.

lost

If anyone has seen my enthusiasm and ambition can they please send it back to me?

I can't believe Christmas is just over a month away and I could care less. ( gotta find a shovel to dig me out of this apathy hole I seem to have fallen into)

Question: Where did this year go?
Answer: It simply vanished in a menopausal haze of self pity and depression. I swear 2008 WILL be better, it has to be.

now if I can just deal with the night sweats, the awful headaches, crashing fatigue and sudden inexplicable angst!

and just as an aside, the 21st ofthis month is my wedding anniversary.... I will have been married a whole 7 years. Am amazed and delighted that I love Marcus even more now than I did at the begining if that is possible.

in the mean time I have stuff to do for Kingdom university. Well at least it is not sitting onfront of the computer gaming! ( omg I have turned into one of THOSE people)

hugs and kisses to all.

until then, be excellent to each other.

It's been a while

I am a lazy ass poster these days. Mostly because I have nothing to say. Yes, oh shock and horror to all my friends who know me JUST TOO WELL, I am actually not saying much at all.

Well, here's the deal. Menopause is really a pause. I am still trying to figure out what sort of a pause because that part seems to fluctuate over time. My desire to vanish into the virtual has been put on hold by a series of utterly and sadly unforgetable headaches which devestate my brain, make me puke my guts and and have my neck and shoulders aching for days. Oh yeah holding your mouse and clicking can make you very sick. So I need to crop my SWG game time down by at least half... ( ugh.) Well that's okay it will mean I get other stuff done, oh I dunno know like laundry???

The writing has begun in full, that is I finally know where I am going with this, jeeze took ya long enough right?? Yeah yeah gimme another week and I'll start the two times a week posting again, promise, well sort of promise...

It's November, all the fall colours are in full bloom here, it's still warm when the sun shines but cold at night. It sometimes even smells like autumn, the biggest give away are all the spiney balls rolling about the place as the chestnuts fall off the trees... castani in Italian for all you linguists. They look like little green rolled up hedgehogs... If I was even remotely motivated I'd collect them so we coudl roast them over our fire.. for which we have yet to get wood. Motivation is... yep lacking in this house of computers and dust bunnies...

What is there to say? We've been here just about three years and I still feel as though I moved in yesterday. Italian is almost as much of a mystery now as it was when I first started taking lessons and I still do not know a single soul locally to go and have coffee and girl chat with ( even if I could do the girl chat thing in italian which I can't)

Motivation... it lacks.

I am not motivated to get out of bed half the time, though I do. Someone has to close the garage door in the morning after my sweetheart goes to work. I told him though, this place...it's making me old. According to my italian teacher I am not the only one who feels this way. oh so pretty it is here but damned it sucks the frigging soul right out of you.

I'd miss stuff sure but I'd move back to civilization in a heart beat. God just to be able to go shopping in a place that does not simply cater to wealthy tourists with too much money and not enough common sense.

Swiss quality.... yep so far eveything we have bought here has broken. The extension power bars nearly caused a fire and the expensive watch we bought for M's birthday last year has not kept proper time since six weeks after he started to wear it despite battery changes and getting 'looked at'. Even the house we live in which I might add was brand spanking new when we moved in is now falling apart, with walls leaking and cracking, etc.... I gotta tell you made in Switzerland for me means DON'T buy it. This is sad.

still the weather is nice, most of the time.

I did get new glasses.

in Germany.

finally. I didn't really like the nana mouskouri glasses that every single eyewear shop here sold. I look dorky enough thanks...

so what else is new? Not really all that much. I had a cold I got over it. I get headaches I get over them too. Marcus is off to Germany tonight to fix some problem somewhere and I will wait like a puppy until he gets back safe and sound here with me.

His being away does mean I get to eat tuna fish and cheese!

but I'd rather he was here.

Halloween came and went. I was sad. It makes me homesick. I really miss my friends and home... well home....

I am homesick for a clock that tells the right time ... says Suzanne Vega in a song I once heard. That sums it up.

which clock? Which home?

no idea.

Not this one though, that's for sure.

We've been here three years and it still is not home. Time to find one I guess.

in the mean time, I get back to the waiting words. Coruscant, merly, thrawn and all that craziness.

So...
until then, be excellent to each other.