this.

slacker, scatty and it must be a Monday.

The funny thing is I actually have a hell of a lot I want to say but the words are all traffic jammed in my brain right now. I'm furious at the political world. How dare they make war on women ( again) or did they just never stop and I was too young and naive to notice?

Calling women sluts because they use birth control just fucking boggles my mind. *sigh*
And enough with the wars already.

so instead of getting all ranty and soap boxish here I'm walking away.

Instead I'll mention some fun things like Chuck Wendig's blog here. http://terribleminds.com/ramble/
He's pretty straight forward in his ability to NOT MINCE WORDS and his advice is rather like getting a Gibbs slap on the head but it's what I really need to read/hear.

Or that Tsuneo Sanda called me friend on fb and my fangirlish squeal of delight could be heard all the way to the moon. And Dave Dorman, Timothy Zahn and Brandon Smith of The Anix are kind enough to chit chat with me on their Fb pages. Say what you like about the evils of Facebook but it sure brings people closer together with the artists they admire.

and most awesome a person I met in St. John's many years ago, a sweet Polish guy on a tall ship found me on FB yesterday so we reconnected. The corporate and political world may think in terms of boundaries and borders but seriously on the internet there are none, really.  

and on an unrelated note...I thought I would add this 

I'm not an aspiring writer I am a writer who writes mostly for me and some other people who seem to like what I do with words. I don't much care about the whole being published bit I guess that's weird but as an artist I also don't much care about the whole selling my art part either. I make art. I write. I sometimes sew and make costumes. I tend to give stuff away a lot. I think art is about sharing but I am LUCKY enough to be in a position where I can do this and I know it. I don't need to eat from my art which is a luxury. ( I am a kept woman otherwise known as le housewife) Right now I am trying to write a book. I'm fighting with it mostly because I am like a magpie and am easily distracted by the shiny. We'll see. The book is in my brain burning up braincells so it wants to be written but it just needs to find its voice, the right voice.

I also have some seriously choice words for the entertainment industry on copyright and internet suppression and so on but I will have to sit and think on how I wish to word that particular rant. in the mean time... here's a nice picture for you all to enjoy.

Neverwhere

We went to London.
There is a bottomless well of words for our trip but I won't be able to sift through them for a while.
We stayed with friends and it was incredibly nice.
Earl's Court was on the list.
MindtheGap is in my nightmares.
I am reminded of my past much more than my future when I am there.
It's all tube lines and twisty steps filled with exhaust and culture, and things that are hundreds of years old muddled in with the modern.

I love going to London.

pictures to follow....maybe.

This caught my mind....

"Dress up. Leave a false name. Be legendary. The best Poetic Terrorism is against the law, but don't get caught. Art as crime; crime as art." - Hakim Bey-


of course just by quoting this now I'm probably on America's most wanted list.....

the cursed book....

I'm giving up. Obviously the universe does NOT want me to have this book.

Calligraphic Flourishing: A New Approach to an Ancient Art by Bill Hildebrandt

I have tried to order it 4 times. Twice the order was rejected because the book was suddenly not in stock and twice the book was ordered, sent and never made it to my house ( 4 completely different sellers) I'm pretty sure something weird is going on.

sigh.

oh well once paypal gets through holding my refund for a week I guess I'm 45- euro richer.

No and other useful words to learn.

We were at 12th night coronation a few weeks ago, held in a smallish medieval town in Germany called Miltenberg which is a really pretty place. We hadn't wanted to come really because we had just been in Miltenberg the weekend right before for New Year's Eve ( and left the town standing after an hour's worth of large fireworks)  but there were some things to do at the event namely Marcus taking over as Baronial seneschal and he felt we needed to be there for this and he was not wrong in this thinking. So we booked a hotel and made plans. It was a good event in spite of various annoying things and weird somewhat unhappy undercurrents going on. It ended up that with some small negotiations I ended up taking on my 3rd SCA apprentice at the event. I waited a long time before I took anyone under my wing after the 1st.

Like, I suspect, many new laurels we wait a bit shedding the role of apprentice ourselves to slip in to the role of "master". Ailitha was always my minion though long before I was elevated so that was a no brainer. She calls me MamaB and we conspire together. She comes and goes as she pleases and I spoil her rotten but she has mad skillz and I am delighting in watching her grow as an artist as well as a young woman. I may not be her blood family but I could not be more proud of her if I was. Since her SCA goals are radically different than most people's ( that is she's enjoying the hobby when she has time rather than pushing to be on a fast track) I don't feel the need to kick her butt to get her going but rather let her find her own way in and out of the scribe world with some hints and nudging along the way. She is one of those rare creatures who just gets it and if I need to point out flaws she nods and makes corrections without feeling hurt or disappointed which makes my job so easy I get spoiled.

I waited several years before I took on a 2nd apprentice and that was for completely different reasons. I am a calligraphy and Illumination laurel and Gunhild is a late period costumer. But the needs were different. She needed someone to nudge and push and introduce her to how stuff is done in the SCA ( not how costumes are done because she knows more about this in her little pinky nail that I do in my entire universe) but she needed backup. Someone she could count on to be there for her and help her learn the ropes. She wanted someone who was close by and I think that we are friends really helps a lot. I felt she needed a laurel's attention, someone to point out her work and show case it. I may not have mad costuming skillz but I do possess an uncanny ability to blog like a fiend when I want to. So I post her work and make her explain about it, document it, and nudge her to teach etc...there are things we are working on but it takes time to prep a shy person to get up and teach in front of other people, especially when there is a language barrier there as well. So really I feel more like a guide than a "master" in this case and we have a lot to teach each other. It's a nice relationship and we're comfortable with it in a good way.

Now I have a 3rd apprentice and this is where the number stays. For me, three people to teach, guide, etc... is enough. She marks a bit of a change for me in that she will be the 1st apprentice I have taken on who was not a close friend first. In fact, all things considered, we hardly know each other in real life because we've only met at a couple of events and really only two of those ( including the one where we signed the indenture) did I get to spend much time with her. So for me, in terms of a master apprentice relationship this one probably comes closest to the norm. ( not that I think there is a norm for this but you get what I mean). This is not to say we won't become great friends or anything like that so don't misunderstand me, but right now she is my apprentice and I her master and we are learning what that means. It's going to be a fun journey (I hope).

It's a huge responsibility. You take on a close and somewhat personal relationship to guide, teach and take care of another human being in an artistic field. In essence suddenly one has the power to make or break another person's love for an art, their artistic development and how they eventually will teach and pass on their knowledge to others. This is a big deal and I can't stress that enough. It is not a relationship I ever took or take on lightly. I think a great deal about how to best teach, how to best give positive critique,, how to best be both mentor and friend and how to push the apprentice ( all three in this case) forward so that in the end they exceed the teachings and excel beyond my skills to go on and pass along to the next person. The student should surpass the master. If that doesn't happen then I haven't done my job right. and make no mistake this is a job. ( a fun job)

One of the most important things I think that anyone in this mentor position can teach a person is when and how to say no.

I've touched on this before but lately I have been hearing a lot about how when people who do stuff for free say no I can't do that they have been getting crap for it. Bullied about it and coerced into reversing their "no" to an okay I'll do it.  

This is one of my pet peeves.

It took me a while to learn that no is also an answer.

And that is exactly what it is. Nothing more and nothing less.

When you ask if a person can do something for you and they say no it doesn't mean "I hate you", it doesn't mean "You suck" it also doesn't mean "no really I mean yes but I need to be convinced"  It just means no, negative, nein, niet, nej etc...

In a society such as the SCA we run  on volunteers and there are the doers and the takers just like in any group. Unfortunately lately I see a lot more takers than doers and hear a lot of bitching about people saying no when a yes was the desired answer.

This is like beating a dead horse with a stick to make it go faster. It doesn't work.

All this sort of behaviour does is drive the doers away.

I teach all of my apprentices to say no- guilt free. If they can't do something, can't work an event, can't make 10 scrolls in a week, can't sew your dress, can't do the dishes can't or don't want to ( fill in the blank) then they can and should say no. Politely. I also tell them that if they get flack for this then they should direct said person giving them flack to me and I will deal with it. My way of dealing with things would be slightly less polite if things escalate to a point where I have to step in.

I get that it is disappointing to hear the word no especially when a person is expecting a yes. But in a volunteer run group it should be expected and accepted. There are a lot of people waiting in the wings who would liked to be asked and rarely are because it's easy to rely on the few who have been working their asses off.

So some advice for the takers. No means no. accept it and move on.
some advice to the doers : Say no when you don't want to do something because I guarantee you when you say yes all the time eventually you will hate what was once a lot of fun. It is okay to take some me time, especially if you are learning a skill.

Once you have all mastered the art of saying and accepting no we'll move onto lesson number two which is how to say Thank-you. 

merry ho ho and all that

tis the season...

Wishing you all a happy prosperous kind new year.

green is not always good. ( C/P from my lj cuz I'm lazy)

When I was a kid I remember that I used to hate my baby sister. The number one reason was jealousy.I also remember that somewhere along the line I made a conscious decision to let that go. I remember that light bulb moment so clearly it's almost surreal. Jealousy is an utter waste of time.

When my friends have successes in their lives I celebrate with them. I'm super happy for them because it's their happiness I care about not the eternal question that seems joined at Jealousy's hip - why don't I get any good luck ( or a variation thereof). I came to understand that no matter how much I might wish for something the only person who could make it happen was me. Now granted there has been some majorly lucky breaks in my life as well but they ALL came about because I chose to do or say something at a specific time and place and that choice led me to the next wonderful step.

I have been lucky and I am well aware of this but I also make my own luck by being me and that includes making mistakes as well. I had a conversation with one of my best friends recently who is having some negative energy thrown her way at work but people who don't get it. She has had a few major successes in her life recently but I can tell you these are all due to a shit load of seriously hard work. I find it sad when people snitch and get snarky because really underneath they are green with envy over someone else's "good fortune".

I been on that end of the stick too. I can't count how many times I've heard "You don't know how lucky you are." when actually I DO know and I am grateful and I don't expect the world handed to me on a platter. I've lost friends, well people I thought were friends, over stupid stuff like this. I share my good fortune and I'd like to think that I'm a fairly generous person most of the time but i don't like being taken for a ride and I hate being used. I've learned the hard way along this road that sometimes you have to walk away from people who are like that and you have to walk away from people who can't be happy for you.

Being jealous of my sister wrecked havoc on our relationship for years. I always felt she got the sweet end of everything but that's not and never was the case. She was tossed into the deep end just like the rest of us and she made the best of it. Now, of course half way through my life I see that and I am incredibly grateful that I was smart enough to get my shit together and get over myself. We are, I hope, friends, and I admire her more than I tell her. She took risks when I didn't, she jumped off the deep end and learned how to fly long before I did and I learned from her that some times you have to take risks to get where you want to go.

Just like my friend who is taking risks and moving up the ladder of success in the field she loves. The people who mob her at work, who don't get it will be left behind when she goes forward. She's brilliant and talented and lovely. And like so many others now she has to deal with BS because someone can't see past their own nose.

I was asked by someone recently about being jealous over other people's works, ( pertaining to the medieval world) and I said of course it happens. I look at someone who is better than me and there is a pang there. I'd be lying if I said otherwise but in difference to way back when I was an idiot now I take that as a sign I still have a ways to go and things to learn and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who is better, kinder, prettier, stronger, slimmer, and whatever than I am. ALWAYS. This is the way of the world and some days it bites but it is easy to get over when you realise that other people's joys and successes and luck are just not your own. As soon as you figure this out life is grand. Start to count your own blessings. Are you healthy? Are you loved? this list is endless.

I try not to hurt people along the way and I do try to be mindful of other people's feelings and rights but at the same time I look after myself and part of that starts with letting go of jealousy. It's useless.

Saying Goodbye

Merlyn and her Uncle Vahlek in his tatooine home.

It was a long wonderful, up and down ride but finally last night the MMO called Star Wars Galaxies came to an end and I am unbelievably saddened by this.

I started played under duress. My husband who had already been 6 months in had badgered and cajoled and eventually created "Merlyn" to show me how much fun it was. I ended up getting into it because he played me all wrong. It was the beginning of an amazing journey into a sandbox world advertised at the greatest star wars adventure of all times...yours. and it was. I can't describe the first time I saw Vader in game, or when I explored the vast deserts of Tatooine for real and got caught in a sandstorm. These moments were magical.

The sandbox allowed for in game housing and items a person could decorate. There were shops of all kinds full of things to buy ranging from clothes to weapons to everything else that could be sold. You could chat with other players from all around the world and it was a community with cities, guilds and cantinas of fun.

I made real life friends. I used the game to help me write Daughter of the Empire, characters from the game crossed into the books and vice versa. It doesn't seem so coincidental that shortly after I finished the last book so the game also ends.

It was a virtual world with virtual characters and now it's all gone. Saved on a disk somewhere and switched off. And I am sad, deeply deeply sad.

I could say a whole lot more about this because there is a lot more to talk about , a great amount of vitriol to be showered on Lucas Arts and that POS SWTOR which they happily replaced my game with even though they said that would never happen.  In the end what I took away from this is that Lucas Arts lie and nothing they do or say is to be trusted...ever. So SWG you were my first real mmo love and like all first loves you broke my heart. Not sure I will ever be able to feel this way again about another game and probably this is a good thing.

Why I said no....

It is some how assumed that as an artist when someone says will you do X for me the answer will always be why yes of course. For me this is NOT the case.

I don't often take commissions. The reasons are varied and subjective but mostly it's because I have had REALLY  bad experiences with doing so. I learned this at an early age. In highschool I was asked to do a portrait of someone's dog and I did it with the expectation I would get paid. When I had completed the drawing which was pretty good I asked her for money and was flatly told "no thanks I don't want this any more." I felt as though I had been slapped in the face. Now I had this drawing of a dog...yay me. I think my mum kept it for a while because she really liked it.

What I took away from this was that people are asshats. They want free work and treat you like crap when you ask to be paid for the work you did. I have since learned this is not always the case but I now divide my art world into two very distinct parts. The art I do and give away because I don't expect to be paid for it, don't need or want to be paid for it or its part of the SCA and payment is not ever an option. (2) The art I do on rare occasions where I DO expect money.

Number 2 doesn't happen often because I'm not a sale's person.  I don't have a clue how to sell my own work anyway and it makes me very uncomfortable to do so. I just like to make stuff.

I turn down commissions a lot because I just *know* they will all end in tears. The list of I wants usually turns into but that's not what I wanted. It's a frustrating process because no matter how hard I try I cannot read people's minds and my vision and execution of an idea will always be different from theirs no matter what. The headache and hassle and loss of friendships that sometimes ensues the taking of a commission has made me just never want to deal with it so I don't. I say no, thank you for thinking of me but no.

If I make art that someone likes and wants to buy that is a vastly different kettle of fish. Sure I will happily sell you this pre-existing painting. And if someone asks me to do them a painting and are not specific about it that's also great. But it's when the list of must haves are greater than days in the year that I get nervous.The problem with such things is invariably the recipient is never truly happy. I endeavour to please and feel as though I have failed when that doesn't happen. So this is a set up to lose situation for me and I'd just rather not.

It's nothing personal. Me saying no doesn't mean I hate you and we are not friends or what ever. It is an valid answer to a question/ query/ request. I hope that people will accept it, respect it and move on to find someone who can fulfill their art desires.

It is important to understand that people have the right to refuse anything. It took me a long time but I learned to say no and it feels great.

what crooks the back and curls the fingers

I'm working on some scrolls. For those of you in the dark this is what scribes in the Society for Creative Anachronism do. We create medieval style works of art that act as certificates of merit for a variety of awards signifying some sort of good deed or work done, a passage of time and craft well learned or just being helpful. You get the picture.

While not historically accurate in their presentation we like shiny pretty stuff so we copy pages from things like 14th Century books of hours or burn out our eyes trying to emulate Celtic mysteries in the form of knots and stylized creatures.

I'm not entirely sure WHY we do this since it's all original art and we give it away for free. But we do.

I've been at this for a while now and my library shows this. My skills have definitely improved and sometimes I even like what i do. Mostly I like the process and the exacting nature of it all. It's tight art. you stay in the lines and stick to a script. It's about knowing and understanding the patterns used by many monks sitting in drafty halls cursing the dark and smiling at the antics of cats. ( sometimes even writing poetry about said cats)

We steal from the past to recreate the past only with a modern twist since we use electricity to see by when it's dark and more often than not our paints come from factories and our paper is not made from the skin of dead animals. ( although there are many who do try to go all the way when it comes to getting it right and being historically accurate)

I like the exacting nature of this art form. I love when I get it almost perfect ( because it's never 100% perfect ever) I love when the gilding shines the way it should and the paints blend just so and the white work or filigree is bang on. I'm in my comfort zone here. I haven't actually stepped out of it for a while because the next step is actually using medieval pigments and parchment and I'm not there yet but it's coming.

Of course I have come a long way since my first attempts so the journey has been fruitful.

art in circles

On the whole I'm a pretty sporadic blogger. I want to do this every day, share my thoughts, be wild and open but the truth is I do too many other things which include writing other things.

Lately it's been painting, specifically water colours. Something I inherited from my dad who was pretty damned brilliant at it. I guess I learned a thing or two from all the nights I sat at his art bench watching him paint because some thing seem to come naturally although I can hear his voice explaining why he did certain things to me. My child's brain just was happy to be watching my dad my adult brain was and is grateful for the sponge effect of soaking up all that knowledge.

My latest binge is tiny water colour paintings to be stuck on card stock as cards. I hate crappy bought Christmas cards.  I do not expect people to make their own so I get the need for store bought stuff but I find them trite and somewhat boring. I decided this year that instead of not sending cards at all as is my usual method of Christmas stupid season avoidance I would make cards. After all a little home made water colour painting is kind of nice right?

Mostly though I really just like sloshing water, paint and colour about to see what I get.

This is what I got.

kind cool.

busy busy

crows and other flights of fancy

We were in Bremen this weekend to see Alice Cooper in concert. It was a fantastic concert, Alice knows how to put on a great show. So do the crows at the Breman Hauptbahnhof. I could have stood in the cold and watched them all day. We didn't have the big camera with us of course but I took pictures on M's phone.If I can figure out how to get at them I'll post some later.

Everyone who knows me knows I have a serious thing with crows. I watch them, I talk to them and when ever I can I try very hard to capture them either on some sort of canvas, paper or film digital or other.

I would have painted crows today but they were not interested in being painted so instead I did other things with water colours. The past few days have seen me restless so I've been painting, mostly washy watercolours stuff that is without restraint the way the medieval stuff is, it's not exacting and I get to slop colour and water around with abandon. It's messy and fun and sometimes the results are gorgeous. I do stuff to the paper with a scalpel and sand paper, with salt just to get nifty effects. And to see what happens. My dad was a purist when it came to water colours but he experimented from time to time and the results were always cool so I just follow his lead.

I'm not nearly as accomplished at watercolours as my dad was but i don't deal with them nearly enough to develop his amazing technique. However I do enjoy the occasional dip in the pool.  It makes a nice change from this:

enjoy.

eventing we will go...

Miltenberg, Germany

So after a mad week or scribing, looking for stuff, gathering all the things we need then packing garb we left on Friday for the drive down to Miltenberg. It was nuts. I do mean nuts. Every loonie in Germany was on the road and none of them had a clue how to drive. I am so grateful that Marcus knows how to drive well and seems to have a pretty amazing 6th sense about the idiots and what they plan to do without indicator light or looking in their rear view mirrors or checking their blind spots. It was a long rather scary drive down and it took us longer than we had hoped but we made it in one piece. Which was great.

We checked into the hotel, an 800 year old building that started off life as army barracks and somewhere in the middle of its life was a prison. As hotels go it was so so. Too soft beds, kind of run down a tad the rooms had that shabby sweetness to them. However...the rooms were clean and the heat was on ( except for the 1st night where I was incredibly cold)

The hotel has an amazing restaurant with lovely food and the owners are fantastic. The breakfast coffee was bad bad bad tho. ( just saying)

We found Cecelia in the restaurant and eventually joined her for food and had a great chat before heading upstairs to get dressed and head up to the site.  After much schlepping ( the husband did not want to give up his sweet parking spot)  The site was gorgeous. And it was nice to see people.

Stuff on the to do list - vigil foods etc.. and baby shower stuff. I was alarmed to hear Ary and Ruth and her family were in a serious car accident and grateful no one was hurt. Anyway the evening was a buzz of vigil prep, court, baby shower, friends, and I don't recall flitting about so much in a long long time.

The babyshower was fun but it would not have been so wonderful without Diane's help and cheerful enthusiasm and baking abilities.

The vigil was beautiful and it was awesome to get to know SvartulfR a little better. I love this group of people I am lucky to be a part of.  It's wonderful to feel as though I belong to something magical and wasn't just an afterthought or some pawn in a larger political game.

Friday night late we wandered back along cobbled streets to go to bed. Sadly it was so damned cold in the hotel room and the duvet was too thin so I was awake, freezing with savage headache.

Next morning we joined the girls for breakfast and had a leisurely start to the day. Then Marcus and I went sight seeing to clear my head and maybe stave off some of the aches. It was a wonderful morning, bright and sunny so the walk around this gorgeous fachwerk town was stunning.

Saturday the rest of the event was amazingly fun. Feast was delicious and in the mid day so it left a lot of time afterwards for the usual schmoozing and mingling. Court was awesome but I gotta say I could live without the drama. Seriously some times I really wonder what people are thinking. Rude and ignorant doesn't even begin to describe some of the crap that went down. An award is something you accept gracefully even if you don't want it or you don't show up at court.

 I have a whole lot more to say on this subject but in the interest of not turning the blog into a rant about people and their drama I'll stop here. Needless to say it was an event with a lot of drama sometimes I feel as though I'm watching a soap opera in real time.

The night went by too quickly and we had a lot of fun. This was a really great event and a nice opportunity to get to see and know what people are doing in terms of the arts.

Sunday we had awesome breakfast with Cecelia and Alithia and  then popped up to the event site to clear up stuff and say goodbye then drove to Dietzenbach to hang out for the evening with our very good non sca friend Carsten and then on Monday we drove home.

All in all it was a fun, enlightening, great event.

annoyed

I personally do not think that peer like qualities include trying to mobilize people to fight in crown just so that a certain pair won't win. Perhaps the person entering is arrogant and perhaps you don't like them much but that doesn't make it right to try an organize a campaign to block or shut someone out. Your personal feelings towards a possible ruling pair are NOT everyone else's.

I've been hearing rumblings for a while now about this but enough people have now confirmed it that I feel I have to speak out. I find this sort of back stabbing, nasty behavior to be incredibly un-peer like, unchivalrous and unbecoming. If you don't like the pair fair enough, if you really want to keep them from being king and queen then win the fucking crown yourselves don't runaround to everyone you can bad mouthing them and trying to make it so that they can't win at all. Personally this makes me want to NEVER play while you are ruling should this ever happen.

A personal vendetta is just that personal do not take it to the public arena.

the virtual...

The Imperial Oasis, Tatooine (Starsider)

I'm a bad blogger. I'm sporadic and unreliable. This is because primarily I am either dog and bone on one topic and I don't feel the need to bore the world over and over with my ranting or I am busy doing other stuff and words have been tucked away for a rainy day.
Lately it's been gaming that's stolen my brain.

Star Wars Galaxies to be exact. SWG my first MMORPG and the one that has over and over again broken my gaming heart will be shut down on Dec 15th. What a shock ( not) although Lucas Arts ( who lie) stated they would not be shutting the game down ( rather they phrased it as we see no reason why the game cannot continue in parallel with TOR ) will be shutting the game down ( surprise surprise) 5 days BEFORE TOR launches for public gaming.

While not terribly surprised by this sneaky move I never the less think it's sad.  SWG is a one of a kind game that no matter what one thought did the unusual. It, for the most part, allowed players to do stuff without direction and storyline. There was true freedom in the game, a lot of leeway for being creative and a place for everyone to find a niche plus it was Star Wars.

I won't be playing TOR ( Knights of The Old Republic) For a few reasons.

1. Lucas Arts lies. They dick players around and after having my heart busted once ( NGE) I have sworn never again. I can find other places to spend my money.

2. TOR is set in the way back time period and really has nothing to do with the Star Wars I know and love. I'm not a lightsaber  waving jedi  fan-girl anyway and I don't give a rat's ass about this time period.

3. I might have considered trying it out ALONGSIDE SWG but since 5 days before TOR starts my beloved game, the one I have invested 7 years and god knows how much money into is being unceremoniously shut down to make way for the new kid on the block I won't touch TOR with a fifty foot pole.

It's pretty easy to make the conclusion that somewhere along the line Lucas Arts probably offered Bioware the deal of being the only star wars MMO with no direct competition and thus SWG has to go. It's old and not enough players play it. But really if the WOW fanbois hadn't tried to copy WOW into what was a pretty unique game maybe just maybe SWG would not be the problem child.

I remember asking Steve Sansweet at a convention a few years back( then Lucas arts fan liaison guy) about whether or not LA had plans for another MMO. His answer, aside from being rude, was that LA had NO plans for another MMO aside from SWG.

We knew in that moment that SWG was doomed. The rumour mill had already been pretty lively and his words cinched the deal. When anyone from Lucas Arts says something definitely won't happen..... you can pretty much guarantee it's a done deal. 

So my brain is currently lost in the virtual while I try to finish up projects in game, get all my amazing player houses decorated up and set up my toons ( we have 7 accts in total so 14 characters) so that when they pull the plug these virtual people have a place to live on.

Yes I am attached to this game, the virtual world it provides and the characters I've created. I will be sad when they pull the plug and I won't ever touch another Lucas Arts game again. In fact we've pretty much decided to shy away from giving George our money ( Unless it's an absolute must have )

Between Facebook's crappy changes and my game shutting down, it looks like I will have a LOT more free time on my hands. This is probably a good thing seeing as how I have a rather long list of real world projects I want to get done.

WTF?

While trying to unsubscribe to all my facebook friend feeds to get rid of some of the terribly annoying scrolling bar crap I get this pop up. Seriously? I am gettingnailed for spamming while using one of facebook's new shiny features?

On the subject of fanfic writing....

"Thrawn Legacy" by Grant Gould 

(you can buy a copy of this print here sale of prints)

I'll be upfront and say I hate the term "fanfic".

That word brings to mind badly written fantasies and stuff better left to the darkest regions of some people's minds.

Now before the avalanche of hate mail begins let me also say I KNOW this is not always the case and there are some amazing people out there writing fanfics. And I don't hate the fiction itself I'm just pretty indifferent about it.

I don't write fanfics in the general sense of the term because until I started Daughter of the Empire I actually wrote my own stories with my own characters and I still do. It's not that I can't see the value in being a fanfic writer but mostly it never ever appealed to me. I never wanted to mess with other people's characters so much I felt driven to write stories with them and about them. The honest truth was it never really occurred to me and the few times it did I recognized it for what it was ( a teenaged crush on a fictional character) and stepped away from it. That being said I almost never read it either. I don't tend to go actively looking for "fan-fictions" although I have on a couple of rare occasions and even more rarely been pleasantly surprised because there is a lot of very badly written stuff out there and it's scary.

I started writing Daughter of the Empire, I was writing "merlyn's story" and that came about from a clash of many things.
1. It was in my brain. The what if you were Darth Vader's personal assistant stuck like old porridge.
2. the general amount of really great star wars fiction out there is very limited. Seriously I stopped reading after the new jedi order.
3.Once I started I wanted to finish but I had no idea it would take me 3 books worth of words to do that.

I am certain that in the fanfic world there are some absolutely amazing writers. Writers who care about their craft, rewrite and edit until their fingers bleed so that their stories are perfect. I know that there are fanfic sites with lots of rules, grammar and spelling regulations, profanity and sex filters as well as awards and everything else you can think of. The world of Fan fiction is huge vast and difficult to navigate without a guide.

One of my friends who does read a lot keeps throwing out terminology to me expecting me to know what it means. When I ask for explanations the other day she said "you know for writing fan fiction you sure don't know the lingo." my immediate response both in thought and in reply was "that's because I don't write fanfics."

And I don't.

Which leads me to ask if I don't write fan fiction then what the hell is Daughter of the Empire?  Because it certainly classifies as such. I don't really know. I call them novels based in the Star Wars universe which they are but I add a hell of a lot of stuff that's not Star wars. There are a ton of original characters, situations, plots etc.. that are totally mine and it's all based around existing stories without interfering in the existing stories. I use some of the most beloved Star wars characters to tell my character's story not the other way around. It was my way of keeping that Star Wars love alive ( hey wait a sec isn't that what fan fiction does????)

The biggest complaint ( if you can call it that) that I've read in other people's comments on their own blogs and forums is that it's long ( very long) hell yes it's long because they are novels not short stories. And while now during the massive edit rewrite I'll drop a lot of the fill and redundant stuff, they are still going to be long ( around 500-800  pages 1.5 spaced)

And yes there are some pretty hot sex scenes in there. It's not suitable for children under the age of 16 / 18 depending on what country you live in but I wouldn't call it pornographic either. There is a big difference between porn and erotic writing and I'm not all that interested in the former since it seems to be more about a step by step how to manual than using words in a delicious manner to arouse. People who had had sex already know what to do ( most of the time) and people who have not yet entered that delicious arena of indoor sports don't really need a complete step by step of every single boring detail. Because really the how to's are dull it's the how it makes you feel that's interesting and for that one doesn't need to get too technical. In fact most of the best erotic fiction I have ever read never mentions the words vagina or penis or any of the funky pet names for those anatomical parts at all. ( this includes the ever popular "flaming rod of manhood" or "moist flower of womanhood" ..erm yeah)

I've been asked once or twice why I never posted the dote on a fanfic site. and there are a couple of reasons for this.

1. I didn't know most of these places existed when I began writing these books
2. Once I did find them I discovered TOO many rules and I hated the format.
3. I liked having complete control over the site and the contents.  ( as much control as anyone can ever have with their stuff on the internet)

So I will reiterate what I have said elsewhere before. This was never ever set up to be a Thrawn or Vader fanfic, not ever. I know people read it that way but it was never the intent.  In fact in the very first drafts of the books waaaaaaaaaaaaay back when, Thrawn didn't really exist in her world and she had a boyfriend on Tatooine ( not Jyrki) and Vader was just a boss. It grew over the space of about 15 or so years and blossomed when I began to play Star Wars galaxies and write because it was either write or go mad.

So here we are X number of years later and I've finished what I set out to do which was tell the story of a girl who got the worst job in the Star wars galaxy. Now I'm doing what all good writer's should do. I'm going back over it with a fine tooth comb and clearing out the clutter, editing for spelling, typos and grammar and then handing it off to a proof reader/s so that the final versions can be hosted and left alone.

There will be short stories because they are just fun to write and those few in the circle of silliness also get to read the ones that don't get hosted on the webpage or the facebook page because they really are too hot and not something I want up on a public access site at all. But they are fun to read and write.

I have more stories to write and  they have nothing to do with Star Wars. ( or any other established world out there)

I assume people will read these books because like me they are looking for more and I assume they finish them because they enjoy them. At least I hope so. It was a great project and as a writer I learned so so much from doing it. I also got great satisfaction of being able to run through some fairly wild plots and manage to tie it all up. I was surprised by that because there were days when I was like oh my god how am I going to deal with this... that's part of the beauty of writing.  Stuff comes back to haunt you and it's usable.

So yes, the books are long. Yes they take place in the Star Wars universe. Yes they contain Thrawn and Vader and a few other wonderful established Star Wars characters but is it fanfic? I don't know and in the end I guess that doesn't matter.

but I still dislike the term.

star wars....

Rumi ( made by Steph guarding the unedited manuscript of DOTE and a short story waiting to be hand bound.

This is Rumi, he was a gift from Steph. ( thank you so much )

I'm almost done with the big edit of my crazy assed star wars fanfic Daughter of the Empire book 1 (okay it's a  novel) and then it goes to Steph to be groomed for grammar etc...before being uploaded somewhere for download. I am hoping it will be in decent PDF format and that people could read it on the e-readers if possible.

 

Hand made greetings cards by Kirsten and a bookplate signed by Timothy Zahn.

There has been a LOT of kerfuffle lately about the leaked changes to Star Wars on the new blue ray disks. Personally that while yes GL can do what he pleases to his art at the same time I don't have to be pleased with what he does. I do not think it will ruin or rape my childhood memories and saying shit like that is lame. But it will make me think LONG and HARD about spending money on Star Wars stuff I don't necessarily want.
I do, as an artist, find it weird and sad that he cannot seem to let go and that he doesn't really know when to stop. Yes I know it's his stuff but this is my opinion and I am entitled to it. I don't read a lot of star wars fiction any more because quite frankly I find it badly written, poorly thought out tripe.
I will buy books by T. Zahn but sometimes even he disappoints. ( or at least confuses ).

me in my Tatooine day wear

in the end I love star wars.

But just because I love something doesn't mean I give up my opinions either.

distractions

I'm supposed to be editing but the book is making me cross eye'd right now and I find myself easily distracted. Of course it's easy to be distracted with things like work and facebook.

I don't often write about work because there's not so much to write about and there's a confidentiality issues which is a line I don't want to cross. But I can talk about some stuff, like how much I love my job, no really I do. I have this crazy little mini job ( as it's called in Germany) I work 50 days a year and no more ( has to do with taxes and pensions and stuff none of which apply to a mini job) I pick up the slack essentially and do a lit little things which means my job is varied and I learn new things more often than not.

The last few weeks have been about a fairly large project that required some massive logistical organization and a LOT of help from other people. This was fun ( outside of the frustrating bits) and the really nice part was actually getting to work outside my desk WITH other people. And this was cool because the people I get to work with - ALL of them are amazing, fun, clever and willing to go that extra step.

I've never worked in a place like ACER before actually. Most of the jobs I've had, and I've had a lot ( with one or two exceptions) sucked. Either there was too much bitching going on and it was everyone out for themselves or just the actual job sucked, or it was a bit of both.

I'm a trained Animal health technologist. But I haven't worked in that field for years ( thank god) my experience with the Vet business is that it was cut throat and mean.  Animal Doctors yell a lot. And the customers / pet owners are not much better. I enjoyed working with lab animals but when I moved to Germany I turned my back on the entire work field and I have not looked back.

So I'm an artist / vet tech and I now work in a computer company as a logistics / warehouse go-to. It is my favourite job ever. Not just because it's part time because I loved working there when I was full time as well. Anyway this past could of weeks saw me do more than 1 day a week for this hefty project and boy it was tiring. I'm not used to being on my feet all day.

Then there's my FB posse, especially K. who nudges me to write more. And as payment for her picking me up a signed bookplate from Timothy Zahn I wrote her a short story, which it appears has spawned what might be a nice series of shorts. Easy to write and fun to do. But none of this is helping me edit the main books.

Evil woman that she is, she started quoting some rather ghastly slash Thrawn/car'das fiction to me. Okay I'm not a huge fan of Slash anyway, aside from the fact that much of what I have read is terribly written, it's also jarring and distracting. A little like reading someone's deepest darkest fantasy and I don't need this in my brain, thanks.I countered the evil by rewriting one of my own erotic short stories. Not sure if it's any better than a slash fiction but it's a pleasant distraction.

Now I also have a calligraphy commission which will be fun and 4 rather hefty backlogs scrolls to do. I also want to make new garb and 501st costumes and suddenly I feel very busy.

But it's been a peculiar summer. The weather has been terrible, I mean seriously the heating is ON. It has rained just about every single weekend and the garden looks like crap.

On top of this I have not had my period since Feb. So...am I now in menopause for real? A lot of the constant endo pains have vanished but they do pop up with some regularity so I assume I am still producing some sort of hormones and going through the motions but I no longer get a period. ( yay) Now it's sweats, night sweats and a bunch of other things ( oh and headaches lot sand lots of headaches) but mostly I'm doing okay. which is nice.

so now we are almost through August.


Time flies when you waste it front of the computer.

slacker

Okay so yeah , here in this place, I have been slacking out when it comes to blogging. Sorry about that. There is lots to tell, too much actually and right now my brain is in another head space.

I finished my book ( yes I know old news) so now I am editing the three novels to get ready for final pdf formatting etc... it's a HUGE load of work but fun to go back and fix mistakes, edit out the extraneous verbiage and remove dangling plotline threads that went no where. Trust me you won't miss the stuff I'm removing and if you do, well the old versions will still be online in blog format.

It's also busy as all get out here. Eventing, trooping, work, etc.... Seems that life goes a bit mad when one has hobbies that require one to do stuff like make costumes / garb, scrolls, travel and so on. Then there was the family reunion.

so...forgive me for not posting much, I will get back at it soonish ( tm)

Norway

Light a candle, whisper a prayer

bow your head in respect for the dead

They did not ask for this darkness

we let words of hope  

light their unexpected journey

into a better place.

three weeks, three countries +1, past, present and future.

First we went to Sweden to attend the largest Drachenwald event, the yearly Double wars where we fight over Swedish flat bread. ( holy side or flat side)  It was a lot of fun and there's a whole other post about it so you can start there if you have not already done so.

Then we came home.

Traveling and being away from home is hard on me. My endo acts up and my body goes into some sort of bolshie shut down. So with this in mind you all should know I came home sick. 2 days later we flew out to Dublin.

This was my first ever trip to Ireland and I was pretty jazzed. I mean it's Ireland and for a Newfie this is a big deal right? The flights were surprisingly easy. I was all set to fight nazi-like security agents only to be let down by polite fairly nice people just doing their job. No naked scanners, no invasive sexual molestations  just dump all the gear in the grey boxes and walk through the metal detector . No sweat.

The flight was easy too.

so far so good.

Taxi to the hotel cheaper than planned and the hotel was nice, great room ( minus the jack hammer construction in the am) and very friendly staff. They had Guinness on tap ( who the hell doesn't tho?) It's freaking Dublin.

We explored, we shopped and most importantly we saw the concert we'd flown over to see and all I can say is if I wasn't a huge Alice Cooper fan before I sure as hell am now. Buddy, what a show. Thin Lizzie...not really anyone I'd pay to see again, I think they are probably a great pub band but their sound was off and the set was boring. Def Leppard also put on a fantastic show but oddly enough it was Alice Cooper who stole my heart.

The days that followed saw us walk A LOT, make the scribe's pilgrimage to Trinity College to see The Book of Kells, eat fab Irish greasy breakfasts, find lunches that involved some sort of food to go along with the Guinness ( okay so I'm kind of exaggerating we ate more than we drank) and poodle about. We saw 2 films ( Pirates of the Caribbean 4 and Kung Fu Panda 2 ) both great and in English (Bonus. )

It was a lovely 5 days, even though it rained. We also had sun too.




The flight home was easy and we sort of collapsed on the couch. Then it was time to prepare for the last leg of our massive holiday, the trip up to lego land in Denmark for our first ever troop with the 501st. ( no fedcon doesn't count at all)